Loss and Longing

Stevie sighed and looked away. She hadn’t expected that and she didn’t really want to discuss it, but she couldn’t lie. If they were going to continue to see each other, he needed to know how things stood. There was no point in pretending. After a second she said “because I couldn’t afford it” and despite her best effort, she couldn’t stop the painful blush that suffused her face.

He didn’t say anything and she didn’t dare look at him. She was sure he was horrified but as she’d started now, he may as well know the worst. Taking a deep breath she continued, “since dad died” But her voice broke on the last word and she paused to compose herself.  Clearing her throat, she started again “most of my wage goes to helping Mum make ends meet. Feeding, clothing and housing four people even with both our wages, doesn’t leave much for anything else.”

“That must be hard, but I’d have paid” Grant said.

Stevie shook her head, and still not looking at him, she said, “I can’t do that. If I can’t afford to pay my way, I can’t expect anyone else to pay for me.”

His voice quiet, he said, “is that what you meant the other night, when you said any damage to your car was too much.”

“Yes” she said with a sigh, “If you hadn’t have paid for it, my car would probably never have been fixed.”

“And yet you came to reply the money” he said in the same quiet voice.

“I had to” she said.

“I won’t ask how you found the money but I apologise for putting you in an impossible position.”

Unable to hear any censure or disgust in his voice she finally met his eyes again. “It’s okay” she said, “you weren’t to know.”

He was quiet for a minute. Then he said “I can appreciate your stance on money and I respect it. I don’t want to force you into a situation you’re not comfortable with, but can I make you a deal?”

Wary, she said “what?”

“If I let you cook in my kitchen whenever you like or I cook for you here, if we do that most of the time, will you let me take you out occasionally.”

She gave him a worried look, not sure she could agree to that.

“I can afford it” he said “and while I know that doesn’t help how you feel about it, it would mean a lot to me.”

She didn’t reply. It touched her that he was being so sensitive about her feelings but she didn’t know if she could live with him paying for her.

“I’ll let you wash the dishes when we eat here, even if you cook” he coaxed with a smile.

Unable to resist his teasing, she smiled, “I’ll think about it.”

“Good enough” he said then moving his chair back a bit he said “come here.”