Learning To Trust Again

Rebecca noticed Jake sounded angry now but she wasn’t sure whether it was her or himself he was angry with. She suspected the latter. But it didn’t make any difference. She shook her head again. ‘I’m sorry Jake, it’s not enough. I told you I don’t like dishonesty.’

‘Nobody is completely honest Rebecca, but most of us only lie when there is good reason.’

Rebecca didn’t miss that he’d used her full name this time and even though she’d ask him to do it, she found she didn’t like it any better. ‘There is never a good enough reason to betray someone like that’ she said, her tone uncompromising.

‘There are no guarantees in life you know’ he said, his anger was becoming more pronounced with every word and now she knew it was directed at her. He no doubt thought she was overreacting to something that was minimal, something that didn’t matter. But it mattered to her.

‘Maybe not’ she agreed ‘and maybe that means I’m destined to be alone, but I’d rather live like that than be lied to, no matter what the justification.’

Moving towards the door, needing to get away now, she said ‘bye Jake.’

‘Rebecca’ he roared as he straightened of the couch ‘this is not finished.’

‘Yes it is Jake’ Rebecca said with calm determination ‘and if you care for me at all, you won’t make it any harder than it is already.’ And without another word she walked out.

Arriving back at her apartment Rebecca walked into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. She could no longer hold back the despair she felt as she thought about her conversation with Jake and with it came doubt about the stance she was taking. Had she done the right thing walking away? Maybe she should have given him another chance. After all his lie wasn’t the same kind Mark’s had been. But even as she though this she knew that couldn’t happen. As much as she loved him, and she did love him, she just couldn’t get past the fact that he had lied to her and that the results could so easily have been disastrous. Plus in the back of her mind was the question, if he would lie about this, what else would he lie about. No she wasn’t going to take the risk. She was better off on her own. But already she missed Jake more than she thought possible and tears trickled down her face as she thought about moving on without him. Burying her face in a cushion she curled herself up and cried as her heart broke.

A little later, her tears spent for now, she wiped her hands over her face and considered where she went from here. This was her second relationship to end in disaster and heart ache because of dishonesty and she was not going to let it happen again. It was clear she could not place her trust in a man. They had showed they didn’t deserve it. So that left her where, alone? Well so be it. And a hardness settling within her she determined not to wallow any longer. It had taken her many wasted months to get on with her life after Mark had done his worst and finally finished with her. She was damned if she was going to waste yet more of her life lost in self-pity because of Jake. This time she was stronger. She was not going to forgive and forget just because he had said he was sorry. No way was she falling into that trap again. If her time with Mark had taught her anything, it had taught her that. He had made sure she learnt that particular lesson well. No, she had her life to live and she would get on with living it on her own. She would put Jake out of her mind entirely. There was no future there.