Going Home

Part 100

As they continue to cast their lines Robert once again glanced over at Josh. He wanted them to be able to talk but Josh still seemed a bit guarded and sighing Robert found he couldn’t really blame him. After fourteen years of neglect he knew he shouldn’t expect everything to change straight away but that didn’t stop him wanting it to. He’d like to know things about his son and after a few more minutes of silence he eased into a conversation “so how’s the ute running?”

Looking over at his father Josh said “great but I haven’t been able to drive it much. It drove beautifully it up here though.”

Frowning Robert said “don’t you drive it to work?”

“Nah Grace and I walk to work. It’s not worth getting the car out for that distance and it’s good exercise.”

“I guess you need to be pretty fit for your job.”

“Yeah, we’ve got to be prepared for anything. You never know what you’re going to have to do.”

Silent as he considered Josh’s life Robert accepted that he would probably have left the farm even if events hadn’t pushed him away. Farm life couldn’t compare to the excitement of the work he did now and if he was honest he’d always known it was going to be Gavin who would be the one to work on the farm. Saddened Robert looked out over the water.

As the silence stretched Josh looked over at his father and frowned as he noticed his expression. Not sure what he’d said to cause him to look so grim Josh said with caution, “you okay?”

Touched by Josh’s concern Robert smiled as he looked at him “yes Josh I’m fine. Just thinking.”

Not sure he wanted to know but at the same time needing to, Josh said “what about?”

“Oh just the farm, and you. Tell me something do you think you would have stayed on the farm if things had been different?”

Looking away, back over the water, Josh considered this for a minute then said “probably not. Don’t get me wrong I loved living in the country but I don’t think I’d have stayed indefinitely.”

Robert nodded “yeah that’s what I thought.”

“Gavin would have though.” Josh added in a quiet voice, looking down at his hands.

Studying his profile Robert agreed “yes, maybe.” But not wanting Josh to feel more guilt than he already did he added with a smile “but more likely he’d have joined some band and gone to the city with dreams of a record deal.”

Realising his father was trying to lighten the mood, Josh followed his lead and smiled as he acknowledged the old joke about Gavin’s musical dreams. Normally very level headed, Gavin’s one point of madness was his dream about joining a band and becoming a star. And turning his head and looking at his father Josh said “yeah, probably.”

Smiling at his son for a moment, Robert was happy they’d managed to talk about Gavin without getting absorbed by their grief. It seems to him a good sign.