Going Home

Part 18

 Looking away from Josh, down at her hands Margaret tried to account for why so many years had slipped by without them contacting him “for a while I just wasn’t capable of doing anything constructive. I was operating pretty much on auto pilot. It was the only way I could cope with the pain. Then after the grief of losing Gavin subsided a bit and I was able to feel something again what I felt most was anger, anger at you yes but not because of the accident. For a long time I was angry with you for walking out. Your leaving meant I hadn’t lost one son but two. I know that wasn’t fair but I just couldn’t seem to get past it. Then when I did, so much time had passed that I just didn’t know how to reach out to you again and the longer I left it the harder it got.”   

“So what’s changed?” Josh asked, his voice harsh.

Margaret looked at her son, her eyes sad, “well it became a choice between finding the courage to contact you or losing another man in my life through my inaction. When it came down to it I just couldn’t live with myself if I did nothing again to stop a person I love hurting.”

With an abrupt move, Josh stood and pushing his hands into his pockets, he moved away. He didn’t want to be effected by his mother’s words but he was. As much as he didn’t want to, deep down, he could see that they had suffered in the same way he had. But he was nursing too much resentment to acknowledge this to her yet. He needed time to process everything.