Going Home

Part 121

Arriving at the hospital Josh was pleased to see Grace was sitting up in bed and looking much better. Leaning in the door way unobserved as he inspected her, Josh noticed she was in her own gear and out of the hospital gown. Smiling he teased “I’m glad you’re awake for my visit this time.”

Grace turns to look at him and returned his smile. “I’ve been waiting for you, what took you so long?”

Pushing himself off the door frame Josh strode over to the bed and bending to give her a quick kiss took a seat on the bed before replying. “Well” he said “I got a little delayed at home.”

Giving at him quizzical look Grace said “with what?”

“Not what, who. Your parents having a drink with mine, I have no idea how that came about.”

“Ah I think I do. I rang mum earlier and asked her to pick up some clothes for me, knowing you were working and not knowing Margaret and Robert were staying there. She told me she’d run into them when she brought my things in. I guess they’re getting to know each other now.”

“Right” Josh said then added “so when are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow hopefully” she says then added “as you’re working I’ll get mum to pick me up.”

But Josh shook his head and says with vehemence, “no way, if you’re going home, the only person who will be taking you is me. I’ll fix it with Lawson, you just tell me what time.”

“Josh you stride in here again in your uniform and the nurses will be dropping like flies.” Then laughing she added “they told me how they were too scared to tell you to go home last night.”

“Yeah right” Josh said with disbelief.

Grace smiled but didn’t push the issue. She loved that he had no idea how devastating he could be.

Loss and Longing

After a minute he continued, “she lied to me, she stole from me. One night she took my car after I was in bed. She went out and wrote herself off and then proceeded to do the same to my car on the way home, not far from where you ran off the road. She was so disorientated and out of it when I found her still sitting in the mangled mess that was my car, unharmed I might add, she was crying hysterically because she couldn’t remember who she was or where she was going.”

He paused again and this time Stevie left it up to him to continue when he was ready.

“She was dead within a year of my parent’s accident” he said. “Not from a car accident though. I was spared having to live with the horrific coincidence of losing my whole family by the same means. No, I had the joy of finding her overdosed in my guest bathroom” after a pause he added “even though I completely gutted that room and rebuilt it, I still rarely go in there. I see her lying there every time I step through the door.” 

Stevie was horrified. She struggled to breathe as his pain cut through her.

“Afterwards, for a long time I was angry, furious actually. I wanted to scream at her, to shake her, but she was beyond my reach. I couldn’t forgive her, for not caring enough to stop. For not caring enough for me...” his voice broke and Stevie squeezed his hand. 

Clearing his throat he said “my dark mood began to push people away. I was not good company back then. I could see it happening but I couldn’t stop it. So I opted out before I lost everyone. However I was out of circulation for so long, trying to break free of the blackness that was weighing me down, the result was much the same anyway.”

Looking over at her he said “you’re the first person I have allowed myself to get close to for over four years. You asked me once why that was and I still don’t know really. You did remind me of Leah that night out on the road but it wasn’t only that. I think I detected in you, a person who knew what it was to lose someone. You looked so sad that night and that resembled so closely how I’d been feeling for years that a part of me responded to it. Then when you came around to repay me I was lost. You were so determined to pay me back and I hadn’t expected that. You snuck under my guard.”

Stevie nodded. “I think it was the same for me. I sensed your loneliness that night I came to see you and it drew me in. Even though I was surrounded by family, in a way, that’s how I’d been feeling since my dad died. The responsibility of helping to look after my family had isolated me. I was no longer a child but I wasn’t a parent either.”

Grant nodded. “Yes, I get that.” He raised his eyes to look at her again. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

She smiled “that’s okay. I understand now.”

He looked down at their linked hands “there is only you” he said. His eyes lifted and he fixed his gaze on hers.

“Thank you for telling me” she said and leaning towards him, she kissed him. 

Grant moved to lie over her and deepened the kiss. Then easing back to look down at her he said “I love you Stevie.”

She smiled and reaching up to touch his face she said “I love you too.”

A beautiful smile lit up his face then lowering his head he kissed her with the concentration of a man who had had a weight lifted off his shoulders.

Goming Home

 Part 120

Heading home after work and before going to the hospital Josh was surprised by the voices coming from the living room when he entered their apartment. He expected his parents to be there but the noise he could hear indicated more than two people. Walking into the living room Josh was even more surprised to see that it was Grace’s parents chatting to his over a glass of wine. Frowning as he realised he hadn’t even introduced them yesterday, he greeted them and thought that maybe he needed to make some apologies.

And sitting next to Lily Reid a few minutes later Josh took the opportunity to do just that. “I’m sorry about the hospital” he said.

Lily smiled “Josh don’t worry about it, I know what we are like when we all get together. Sometimes even I’d like to be able to get away by myself. I’m glad you had your mum with you though and it was lovely to meet her and Robert.”

“I shouldn’t have let you meet like that though. I should have come and told you about Grace myself.”

 “Josh we were just glad Grace was okay it didn’t matter how we found out. So stop beating your self up about it. We know how much you love Grace.”

Looking down at his hands Josh said “thanks Lily.”

“You’re more than welcome Josh. You make Grace happier than I’ve ever seen her so as long as you keep that up you’ll never have a problem with me.”

Josh wasn’t sure what to say. He was uncomfortable discussing such personal stuff especially with Grace’s mother so shrugging he just said “ok.”

Loss and Longing

The words were torn from him and while she was relieved Stevie felt remorseful for pushing him. “I’m sorry” she said.

He shook his head, “I should have told you before.”

“Do you often dream about her?”

“I did, I haven’t for a while now though. I was hoping they were a thing of the past. Maybe it was being with your family tonight that stirred it up. I don’t know.”

Stevie crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry” she said again.

He sighed and fitted one hand around her forearm as it lay across his chest. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“I shouldn’t have made you tell me. I should have trusted you. Is this what you haven’t been able to talk about?”

He nodded.

“Well don’t worry about it” she said, wanting to give him some space. “Let’s just go back to sleep. This isn’t the time.”

“No” he said turning to face her “I need to tell you about it.”

“Are you sure?” she said.

“Yes” he said and pushing the pillow up against the bed head he leant back against it, his long legs were straight out on the bed and crossed at the ankles. “It’s not going to go away by itself. I know that now. Maybe telling you will help.”

Stevie sat next to him and picked up his hand. “Did she die in the accident that killed your parents” she asked trying to help him.

“No” he said “but I wish she had.”

“Why?” she asked when he didn’t say any more. Her voice was soft. She knew now he needed to talk and that gave her the courage to prompt him.

“Because I could have buried her not hating her, I could have said goodbye still remembering the good things about her” he said, his voice was hard and bitter.

Stevie was shocked by the level of emotion underlying his words but she did her best not to show it. “What happened?” she asked when he again fell silent.

“Leah chose a life where her only interest was self destruction. She became involved in the drug culture.”

“Because of the death of your parent’s?” Stevie asked, thinking she understood now what had happened.

But Grant shook his head, “no, that I could almost have understood and forgiven. No, I’m sure Leah was already dabbling in that stuff before the accident. She was only just eighteen when my parents died. Being the youngest, she had been over indulged all her life and it didn’t do her any good. Even at that age she was a party girl, only interested in the next good time. No, what I struggled with was the fact that she used their death as an excuse to delve further. That’s what I can’t forgive. Stupidly at first I thought I could save her. I’d only just moved into this house when they died so she came here to live with me. I gave up my job when things got bad and began working from home so I could be there to look after her.” His tone embittered and his expression angry he added “fat lot of good it did.”

Stevie squeezed his hand. She had no words.

Going Home

Part 119

Next morning when Grace woke it took her a minute to work out where she was. Then as the wound in her left arm made its presence known she remembered what had happened and hearing a slow rhythmic breathing turned her head and smiled. Josh was sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Some one had given him a pillow and a blanket and he had his large feet up on the bed.

Reaching out Grace touched his arm where it rested next to the bed and Josh woke with a start.

Looking around he saw Grace was awake and he smiled. Getting out of the chair he sat beside her on the bed and said “morning.” Then bending to give her lips a soft kiss he asked “how do you feel?”

Smiling at him Grace said “like I’ve been run over by a truck.”

“Well thank god you don’t look like that.” He joked.

Laughing Grace said with contrition “I didn’t mean for you to stay all night Josh, you should have gone home.”

“Why? I got more sleep here than I would have at home worrying about you. You scared the life out of me Grace.”

Grace looked him with a serious expression. She had been there too and she knew exactly how he must have been feeling. So nodding she said “I know.”