Loss and Longing

After a minute he continued, “she lied to me, she stole from me. One night she took my car after I was in bed. She went out and wrote herself off and then proceeded to do the same to my car on the way home, not far from where you ran off the road. She was so disorientated and out of it when I found her still sitting in the mangled mess that was my car, unharmed I might add, she was crying hysterically because she couldn’t remember who she was or where she was going.”

He paused again and this time Stevie left it up to him to continue when he was ready.

“She was dead within a year of my parent’s accident” he said. “Not from a car accident though. I was spared having to live with the horrific coincidence of losing my whole family by the same means. No, I had the joy of finding her overdosed in my guest bathroom” after a pause he added “even though I completely gutted that room and rebuilt it, I still rarely go in there. I see her lying there every time I step through the door.” 

Stevie was horrified. She struggled to breathe as his pain cut through her.

“Afterwards, for a long time I was angry, furious actually. I wanted to scream at her, to shake her, but she was beyond my reach. I couldn’t forgive her, for not caring enough to stop. For not caring enough for me...” his voice broke and Stevie squeezed his hand. 

Clearing his throat he said “my dark mood began to push people away. I was not good company back then. I could see it happening but I couldn’t stop it. So I opted out before I lost everyone. However I was out of circulation for so long, trying to break free of the blackness that was weighing me down, the result was much the same anyway.”

Looking over at her he said “you’re the first person I have allowed myself to get close to for over four years. You asked me once why that was and I still don’t know really. You did remind me of Leah that night out on the road but it wasn’t only that. I think I detected in you, a person who knew what it was to lose someone. You looked so sad that night and that resembled so closely how I’d been feeling for years that a part of me responded to it. Then when you came around to repay me I was lost. You were so determined to pay me back and I hadn’t expected that. You snuck under my guard.”

Stevie nodded. “I think it was the same for me. I sensed your loneliness that night I came to see you and it drew me in. Even though I was surrounded by family, in a way, that’s how I’d been feeling since my dad died. The responsibility of helping to look after my family had isolated me. I was no longer a child but I wasn’t a parent either.”

Grant nodded. “Yes, I get that.” He raised his eyes to look at her again. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

She smiled “that’s okay. I understand now.”

He looked down at their linked hands “there is only you” he said. His eyes lifted and he fixed his gaze on hers.

“Thank you for telling me” she said and leaning towards him, she kissed him. 

Grant moved to lie over her and deepened the kiss. Then easing back to look down at her he said “I love you Stevie.”

She smiled and reaching up to touch his face she said “I love you too.”

A beautiful smile lit up his face then lowering his head he kissed her with the concentration of a man who had had a weight lifted off his shoulders.