Learning To Trust Again

Feeling a measure of relief now he had started Jake looked up at her and continued ‘I was involved with someone’ he said and paused again. He sentences were short and choppy as if he was struggling to get the words out. ‘She was a cop too’ he said ‘in a different unit. She was killed a little over a year ago. It happened on the job.’ Looking away he said ‘when I kissed you, it brought on feelings of guilt, guilt at moving on because it felt so right. I didn’t expect that and I reacted badly, I’m sorry.’

Pausing once again his eyes on their linked hands he said ‘she is also part of the reason I lied to you. Yes Todd asked me not to tell you, but it was an easy thing for me to agree to because deep down I didn’t want to tell you.’

Rebecca was frowning now and as he looked up briefly he saw the confusion and unease on her face, he sighed and said in a quiet voice ‘I couldn’t save her. I was there. She was shot right in front of me and still I couldn’t stop her dying. I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening again. I knew what ever Todd was involved in was dangerous and I didn’t want you involved. I didn’t want to lose you so I lied to you and ended up losing you anyway. I’m sorry. I know that it was wrong. I shouldn’t have made decisions on your behalf.  But it won’t happen again. I want you to be able to trust me.’

‘Oh Jake, what a mess’ Rebecca said with a sigh as she realised just how much their combined baggage of past relationships had impacted on the present and messed everything up.

Nodding without looking at her, Jake sounded solemn as he said ‘agreed.’

‘Hey’ she said prompting him to look at her. As he raised his eyes to meet hers she added ‘my turn to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through and for everything you’ve lost. But most of all I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I overreacted.’

‘Forget about it’ Jake said ‘I can understand now why you felt I’d betrayed you.’ His expression hardening, making it look like his jaw was hewed from solid granite, he said ‘if I ever get my hands on Mark, I’ll make sure he suffers for what he did.’

Smiling, touched by his indignation on her behalf she said ‘forget about him. As of now he no longer exists.’ And she meant it. She had wasted five years of her life on him and he had very nearly cost her Jake. She was not going to let him have that much power over her life anymore.

Looking at her, her hand still in his, he lifted it and tugged her towards him until she got up. Once she was on her feet, he pulled her onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tight against him.

Rebecca wrapped her arms around him and held him just as tight.

 Jake sighed. Easing back after a minute, he searched her eyes as he pushed some hair off her face with a tender touch, ‘I love you’ he said before leaning in and kissing her.

Ecstatic to hear him say those words, Rebecca sighed against his mouth and deepened the kiss. She had loved him for so long, even when she was pushing him away, she loved him.

 Jake’s felt his body respond to her close proximity but not wanting to take advantage of the situation, knowing she was vulnerable he eased back after a minute. She hadn’t responded to his declaration and looking at her, he let his breath out on a sigh ‘I think I’d better go.’