Learning To Trust Again

Rebecca had kept her eyes averted as she spoke. She didn’t want to see the pity and scorn she was sure Jake must be feeling, displayed in his features. But now as she risked a glance at him she was so surprised to see he was scowling, his face as black as a thunder cloud and she didn’t look away. As she searched his eyes, he rubbed her hand. He said in a gentle voice ‘Bec no. He was a bastard and an idiot and I’d like to get him alone in a room somewhere. I’d show him what it means to hurt. It is not stupid to believe someone you care about.’

Brushing her tears away, Rebecca shook her head and looked away again ‘I should have listened. Lots of people tried to tell me what he was like, but I knew better. I just didn’t see it, didn’t want to I guess.’

‘Rebecca’ Jake said, his voice firm as he squeezed her hand to prompt her to look at him, ‘it was not your fault, you did nothing wrong’ and without warning, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a sweet, tender kiss that did not feel to Rebecca like he was trying to take advantage of her vulnerability. Rather it felt like he was offering comfort and the caring contact was exactly what she needed. Soothed by the touch of his lips, she kissed him back and as he eased back, moments later, she said ‘thank you.’

Looking uncomfortable, Jake nodded ‘no worries.’

Taking a deep breath Rebecca continued ‘after what happened with Mark I vowed never to let anyone lie to me again. That’s why I reacted so badly when you lied about Todd. I couldn’t face the thought of going through that again.’

‘Bec, I know I should have told you’ Jake said ‘but there is something I need to explain too. This time it was his turn to take a deep breath. After a pause he said ‘do you remember you asked me once why I kissed you and then pulled away?’

As she nodded he continued ‘well I didn’t tell you the reason.’ And looking down at their linked hands he said ‘firstly I’m sorry for that, I never meant to make you feel like I regretted kissing you. But if I’m honest, I don’t know why I kissed you that first time, it happened before I could stop it and it took me by surprise. I wasn’t prepared for what I felt. I haven’t been close to anyone for a long time. I’ve purposely avoided it actually.’

He paused, his eyes still averted.

It was Rebecca’s turn to offer reassurance, she squeezed his hand.