Learning To Trust Again

They lapsed into silence again and this time it was Rebecca who broke it a few minutes later. Jake continued to intrigue her. He was such an unknown quantity, full of contradiction and complexity, all the more so after he turned up again so unexpectedly. She wanted to find out more about him. She asked ‘so didn’t you have anywhere you needed to be tonight?’

He looked down at her with a serious expression for a minute before he moved his eyes away again. He replied without elaboration, ‘not tonight.’

Rebecca sighed at his answer. It told her nothing. She had hoped he’d tell her something about what he usual did but he didn’t seem like the type to make small talk, he just said what was necessary and was satisfied to be silent the rest of the time. She was thoughtful for a minute then tried a different tack in an attempt to draw him out. ‘Have you lived around here long?’

‘A while’ he said giving her about as much information as his last answer.

Rebecca gave up. In the face of his unrevealing responses, the purpose of which seemed to be to discourage further questions, there wasn’t much else she could do. It was clear he didn’t want her to know anything. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was the same with everyone or whether it was just her. She hoped it wasn’t the latter. Feeling despondent all of a sudden, she sighed again, and they completed the rest of the journey in silence.

On reaching her apartment once more Rebecca turned around after unlocking the door and said ‘thanks for making sure I got home safely again Jake.’

Jake nodded and asked ‘so I suppose you’re not going to take proper precautions again tomorrow night?’

‘Well you saw what it was like tonight’ she pointed out ‘there wasn’t even anybody about.’

‘It doesn’t mean it will be like that tomorrow.’

‘And there’s nothing to say it won’t be’ she said in as reasonable tone. She didn’t want to argue with him again.

Jake sighed. He sounded impatient but he said ‘then I guess I’ll see you outside the hospital again tomorrow night. That will be your last shift finishing at this time, yeah?’

Rebecca was beginning to feel like she was on a rollercoaster. One minute she was up only to have the rugged pulled out from under the next. While on the one hand she was pleased at the thought of seeing him again, on the other hand she was brought down to earth by the fact that his question made it obvious he was not doing it because he wanted to. So her tone was flat as she answered ‘yes after tomorrow, I have a couple of days off and then my shift changes to a day time schedule.

Jake nodded. He said ‘right see you then’ and spinning around he jogged back down the stairs before she could even say goodbye.

Learning To Trust Again

As they walked Rebecca could feel his eyes on her more than once and she too was taking stock. Glancing over at him, careful to avoid his gaze, she mentally blended the reality of Jake with what she had remembered from the night before. She’d got his build right. He looked very toned and fit and well able to handle himself, but she had underestimated his looks. She had memorised the gorgeous green of his eyes correctly but she had found that the rest of his features were more difficult to remember when she tried to recall them that morning. Given her traumatic experience the night before, it was probably not that surprising. But after seeing him for a second time, without the drama clouding her thought processes, she knew she wouldn’t be forgetting again. He was amazingly looking with close cropped dark hair and strong, chiseled features that the jagged scar she hadn’t even noticed the night before, did nothing to detract from. The scar ran across his left temple from the corner of his eye brow to his hair line and looked to be a few years old. In fact far from marring his features, for her, if anything, it only added to his allure. It made it clear to her that he had suffered and she understood all about suffering. She had done plenty of that, even though there were no physical scars to show for it in her case. Shutting off those thoughts, not wanting to think about that black time in her life Rebecca continued to make further subtle glances in his direction, completing her inspection, wanting to memorise every detail for future reference.

They had been walking in silence for a few minutes before Jake surprised her by returning to the touchy subject that had sparked the argument earlier. He asked in an even tone ‘why are you walking again?’

Rebecca glanced at him and then away again. This time she didn’t detect any anger or accusation in his voice, just a desire to understand. She shrugged ‘I told you, it wasn’t worth getting the car out.’

Jake was silent for a minute. He then said, ‘I don’t believe you’re that stupid.’

She looked at him again and saw his serious expression. She knew he wasn’t trying to insult her, he’d guessed there was more to it. She sighed and looking away admitted with reluctance, ‘I live alone and have to travel this route to work every day. I didn’t want what happened to have the power to stop me moving about freely. I didn’t want to be scared all the time. I thought if I put it off, I might never be able to do it. You know the old saying, if you fall off a horse get straight back on.’

‘There’s a bit of a difference in this case, you didn’t fall, you were pushed.’

Rebecca shrugged ‘the fear’s the same.’

Quiet, Jake studied her for a moment as she turned to look at him again. Finally he moved his gaze away and nodded. ‘Fair enough. I guess I can understand that. I’m not saying I agree with you that it is worth the risk but I get that you need to be able to feel safe.’

‘Thank you’ she said. She was pleased he understood.

Going Home

Part 89

The next morning as Josh and Grace left their apartment and made their way to the restaurant they’d chosen for lunch, Josh looked over at Grace. She’d been silent for a while. He asked “you okay?”

Smiling Grace nodded “yeah just thinking.”

“What about?”

Looking at him Grace said with caution “you know how the other day I suggested that you find a way to farewell Gavin?”

“Yeah” Josh nodded a frown coming down on his face.

“Well I think I may have come up with something.”

Still frowning as he wondered what was coming he said “what?”

“I was talking to Margaret last night and she mentioned how you all used to go to a lake during summer and that you and Gavin both liked to fish.”

Looking away from her Josh said “I haven’t gone fishing since Gavin…” But unable to finish this sentence he changed his wording to a less personal version. “...since the accident”

Wary, watching his somber expression Grace said “well what if we all took a trip to the lake. It might be a nice way to remember Gavin.” Then studying his troubled expression as he remained silent she added “maybe we should ask Margaret and Robert at lunch and see what they think?”

But Josh needed time to consider this first and said “let me think about it okay?”

“Sure Josh, I just thought it was something you could all do together to remember the good times with Gavin. But it’s up to you.”

Thankful as ever to have Grace in his life Josh pulled her close and kissed her head. “Leave it with me” then after a pause he added “thanks.”

Looking up at him Grace smiled.

Learning To Trust Again

Jake’s frown deepened and throwing his arms in the air, he roared ‘yeah well someone had to make sure you got home safely, it’s clear you weren’t going to do it yourself.’

Still glaring at him, Rebecca replied in the same clipped tone ‘well who asked you? I’m quite capable of looking after myself.’

‘Oh yeah, you did such a good job of that last night’ Jake said with considerable scorn lacing his words, ‘and as for who asked me, you did when I had to rescue you last night. I didn’t save you from that just so you could put yourself in danger again the next night.’

Seething at his low blow, even though she could see he had a point, Rebecca’s eyes narrowed and she yelled ‘well it’s too late now, I didn’t bring my car.’

‘So get a taxi.’

‘Yeah like a taxi is going to agree to take me on a thirty seconds trip and maybe miss out on a decent fare. I’d have more chance of learning to fly.’

Anger etched on his face, Jake threw his hands up and shouted ‘fine I’ll walk with you.’

‘What?’ she asked a puzzled look on her face ‘why would you do that?’

‘Because at least that way I’ll be able to sleep tonight’ he said anger still underlying his words.

That shocked Rebecca. Not only because he was willing to put himself out for her after shouting at her for the past few minutes, but also because he would be worried enough to lose sleep over it, if indeed he was being honest about that. Her anger evaporated. She starred at him, and said ‘oh.’

But Jake didn’t appear to share her calmer state of mind yet. He was still frowning, his face a dark mask. He asked ‘what?’

Rebecca smiled. She’d been thinking about him ever since he left her last night, but she never thought she’d see him again. And yet here he was, albeit yelling at her, but prepared to go out of his way to walk her home. And he must have been waiting a while too, because she was late. All of a sudden, she didn’t care about his anger. In a bright voice she said ‘that would be great Jake, thank you.’

However it seemed this only caused Jake more unease, as he just continued to frown. He searched her expression for a few minutes in silence.

Rebecca smiled to herself as she realised she’d confused him. She didn’t attempt to explain.

Looking away, seeming to give up on trying to work her out, his voice was gruff as he said ‘let’s go.’

Rebecca glanced at him, he still looked formidable but he wasn’t yelling anymore and even if he was she wouldn’t have been put off. For whatever reason he’d come back and she was not displeased about that. Smiling to herself at his confusion, she looked away as she fell into step beside him.

Learning To Trust Again

And as it happened, she had no time to think about the return trip anyway, because in a complete reversal of the day before, it was a busy shift. Nothing that day was simple. Everything seemed to take longer than it should  and she still had a waiting room full of people when her shift was over, not to mention having every room full. This meant, the hand over took longer than usual and therefore she was later than normal leaving. The lack of sleep was really starting to catch up with her too. But finally done she collected her bag and after she had said her good byes to those she knew working the next shift she made her way to the front doors. Despite telling herself there was nothing to fear she could feel the tension in her body starting to rise as she contemplated the trip ahead of her. However in a rare moment of stubbornness she was determined not to let an irrational fear stop her. Telling herself there was no reason to think it would happen again, she took a deep breath and kept going.

But despite her brave assertions, as Rebecca neared the hospital entrance and saw the darkness beyond the doors, she felt a need to arm herself with something. Digging in her bag to try to find her keys, thinking that they were the best she could do, she walked out through the automatic doors and stepped onto the footpath. The area immediately outside the hospital was well lit but that only served to make the night beyond all the blacker. Her eyes down, still searching her bag, she didn’t notice the man, who had been sitting on the bench facing the street, rise and stroll towards her. It was not until he spoke that she realised he was there.

‘I thought you were going to drive’ he said.

Startled by the unexpected question, as unwelcome memories of the men from last night invaded her mind, Rebecca jumped, and her eyes wide, she stared in the direction of the voice. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it would break out of her chest. But as the man stepped further into the light and she saw who was speaking she released the breath she had been holding. Using anger to mask the fright he’d given her, she corrected him in a terse tone ‘no you said I should drive, I said I’d think about it and I did and then decided it was a waste of time.’

Jake moved closer and in a low growl, he asked ‘your safety is a waste of time?’

She glared at him. The fact that, when he put it that way his question was valid, only served to make her angrier. Her voice was hard as she said ‘well the only thing making me feel unsafe at the moment is the fact that you are sitting here waiting for me. Doesn’t that count as stalking?’