Going Home

Part 38

As Josh listened he was surprised and moved but the thing that got to him was not his father’s words so much as the fact that he could tell his father doesn’t even realise he had used his first name. Since they had arrived he had consistently called him Josh and this unconscious reversion to Brendan indicated to Josh the depth of the emotion his father was feeling. And this realisation changed Josh’s mind-set. Thinking about it, Josh now realised that since his mother’s visit he had worked through a lot of the anger he had towards them and he just needed his father to confirm that he felt the same way. Had his father’s attitude been different maybe he would still be mad, but after listening to him Josh can finally believe that they didn’t and don’t blame him. On accepting this, relief flowed through Josh making him feel lighter and freer. As such he had no wish to prolong the conversation with recriminations and felt able to offer a small conciliatory gesture “thanks for telling me.”

Robert looked at his son as they continue to walk. Not knowing what was going on in Josh’s head he couldn’t believe his reaction. He was prepared for the anger and bitterness he thought Josh had every right to feel and after the strained atmosphere at lunch he was expecting a fight. With sadness, Robert recognied that he couldn’t really expect to know his son anymore and looking at him as they walked along he wondered if maybe the fight was still to come. But feeling better that he had at least been able to make his apology, Robert decided not to push it and just wait and see. So as they reached the fence he pointed out the animals in the next paddock.

Feeling a little more relaxed now his father had said what he had to say Josh found he enjoyed being back in the country. Until this moment he had no idea how much he missed it and looking out over the land he observed in a quiet voice “it’s dry hey?”

Robert followed his gaze and his tone gloomy, he said “yes.”

The two men stood there for a while in silence and there was a sympathetic feeling between them as they surveyed the dry land. After a while they strolled back to the house and the mood between them was different now, the silence was no longer strained and to Robert it felt like those fourteen years of separation had never happened.

Going Home

Part 37

As Robert and Josh set out across the farm to view some live stock, Robert began an apology he has been waiting years to make. “Josh I need to say something and if you stop me I’ll never get it said so just let me finish and then you can say what ever you want to me, god knows I deserve what ever it is I’ve got coming.”

Frowning Josh just looked at him waiting for him to continue. 

Taking his silence as a sign to go ahead Robert took a deep breath and continued “I’m not much good at this kind of thing Josh but basically what I want to say is, I’m sorry. I never meant for you to feel like you were to blame and I never wanted you to leave.” Pausing for a second to get himself under control Robert looked bleak as he stared out over the paddock. In a sad tone he said “losing Gavin hurt more than I thought anything could hurt but losing you hurt more. While his loss was tragic, it was due to an accident that no one had any control over. But Brendan you leaving was my fault and once you were gone I didn’t know how to ask you to forgive me.”

Living La Dolce Vita

Planks used during the aqua alta (king tide)

© A Product of Silence

Day 5

Today we walked around Venice taking in the sights and doing some shopping. We visited the Rialto bridge and inspected many shops selling masks, the symbol of Venice. My favourite place was the paper shop that was selling exquisite handmade paper goods. However unfortunately they evidently didn't feel the same way about us as we were told they were closing and asked to leave, even though the shop never closed. Oh well their loss.  

In the afternoon we toured the Doge's Palace and the Basilica SanMarco in Saint Marks Square. Both were extraordinary, full of history and incredibly lovely. It was sad listening to how the Basilica regularly gets flooded because Saint Marks square is the lowest point in Venice, and how it's lovely floors are being destroyed as a consequence. 

St Marks Square, Venice.

© A Product of Silence

Anyway the following were my thoughts as I explored, I apologise in advance for gushing.

The thing that strikes me most about this beautiful city is the quiet. I guess this is partly because there is no car traffic, but also because it is the low season and there are few people around. I understand it is not the same in summer when the place is full of tourists, but I would come back in winter in a heartbeat. It is very cold and wet but unbelievably lovely. 

The architecture is stunning and so beautiful with its many coloured buildings. The numerous squares and churches defy description. You can wander along various alley ways and then come upon the most beautiful facade of a building. It takes your breath away. There is so much history here. 

Grane Canal, Venice.

© A Product of Silence

The canals are beautiful and I love that you walk everywhere, crossing bridges and seeing the water lined with boats. I am unable to describe how it makes me feel. If I was going to live anywhere other than home, I would live here and I didn't think I'd ever say that before. I love Australia but this place speaks to me in a way I can't explain. After all my romantic imaginings of Venice I have not been disappointed. It is more than I could have hoped for or dreamed of. I wish I could write about it in a way that did it justice or that adequately conveyed my feelings about it. I am happy here. All I need to make it perfect, is my family. I haven't left yet and already I can't wait to come back. I am going to be very sad to leave tomorrow.

Going Home

Part 36

Lunch is a fairly quiet meal with the most of the conversation occurring between Margaret and Grace. Robert asked a few questions, but Josh, after his initial effort, is again mostly silent. Watching his son during the meal Robert could see Josh wasn’t going to make this easy and he couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault it was theirs and it was his turn to do something about it. So when they had finished eating, Robert turned to Josh and said with hope discernible in his tone “feel like taking a walk and I’ll show you what’s being happening around here?”

Josh felt wary. He knew what was coming and turned his head to look at Grace while Robert held his breath and waited.

Grace smiled encouragement at Josh and slowly turning back to his father he said with caution “I guess I could use some air.”

Robert didn’t dare look as pleased as he felt, but getting to his feet before Josh could change his mind he said “good, let’s go, we’ll see you ladies later.”

Going Home

Part 35

Opening the back door of the car Josh lifted out their bags and as he lifted his head and looked around he wasn’t sure coming here was a good idea. But short of getting in the car and driving away, there was nothing he could do about it now. So resigning himself to the fact that he had to go through with it he shut the door and followed the others into the house.

However as soon as Josh stepped foot inside he was once again transported back to his teenage years. Little had changed since that time it seemed, except maybe the paint colour. As he stood just inside the door memories flooded his mind and he was unable to move. For long moments they continued to come unabated, all the years growing up there condensed into flashes of memory that he was powerless to stop. And it is only when he felt a touch on his arm that the flow ceased. Confused Josh looked down at the hand on his arm with a frown then up into his mothers eyes. He was glad that she managed to stop the onslaught, but he was unprepared for the familiarity of her touch.

At the look on Josh’s face Margaret removed her hand with a jerk. She was worried about him. She knew this must be hard. But she wasn’t sure how to help. He still seemed so unapproachable. So turning to practicalities instead she suggested in a quiet voice “why don’t you just leave the bags there? You can take them up later.”

Putting the bags down without a word Josh followed his mother into the kitchen. Grace, with a cold drink in her hand, looked at him, a question in her eyes. He still hadn’t said a word since they arrived. She knew this visit would be difficult but if he wasn’t even going to try to communicate she was concerned they won’t resolve anything.

Turning to Josh Robert asked “would you like a drink?”

Josh, having noticed Grace’s look and correctly interpreted it as a sign that he needed to make an effort, looked at his father again and replied “thanks.”

Sighing inwardly Grace smiled at Josh, it wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Living La Dolce Vita

Day 4

Murano

© A Product of Silence

Today we went for a cruise around the lagoon, visiting three islands. Murano, which is famour for it’s glass. This was one of the many places in Venice I was keen to visit and after watching a glass blowing display we wandered around the island and did some shopping. I bought a beautiful glass paperweight, something easy to get home in one piece. I also bought some earings made from glass beads for my girls.

Basilica Di S. Maria Assunta, Torccello

© A Product of Silence

 The second stop was the island of Torcello, which is a tiny island consisting mainly of a Basilica. The Basilica Di S. Maria Assunta dates to around the year 1000 and the mosaics that adorn it are breathtaking. 

Torcello

© A Product of Silence

Here we also managed to find a cafe and enjoyed a much needed cup of coffee. It was while waiting to be collected by our boat that I noticed the colour of the water in Venice.  It seems a completely different colour to the ocean in Australia. It is a beautiful greeny blue much lighter than what I was used to at home. Who knew that the ocean was a different colour in different parts of the world?

The last stop for the day was the island of Burano, which is famous for it’s venitian lace. This island was larger and had a sizable shopping district. It was our location for lunch.

On the way back we passed many smaller islands some uninhabited others with a few houses. As it was nearing dusk the air was much cooler on the way home and I was happy to step back into our beautifully warm hotel room and remove a few of the layers I had on.
Dinner that night was pizza at a restaurant close by to our hotel.

Going Home

Part 34

With a serious expression Josh looked at his father’s hand for a moment. Then putting out his own, he shook it but remained silent. He was relieved that at least his mother had explained about his name. But he had no idea what to say and the silence stretched as neither man knew what to do next.

Before things could become too tense Margaret introduced Grace to her husband “Rob this is Grace. Grace, this is Josh’s father Robert.”

Grace smiled at Josh’s dad “hello Robert, nice to meet you.”

Finally moving his gaze from his son Robert took his first real look at Grace and decided that one thing that hadn’t changed was his son still has good taste. Taking her hand in both of his he said “nice to meet you Grace and please call me Rob.”

“Thanks Rob.” Grace said and smiled again. She was pleased at the warm welcome she’d received from both Josh’s parents, especially under the circumstances.

As the other two exchange small talk about the drive up and move towards the house Margaret turned to Josh and looking at his expression she asked with caution “why don’t you bring in your bags and we’ll have a drink and some lunch. Okay?”

Josh looked at her for a minute, then without giving a response he turned back to the car.

Sighing at his unresponsiveness Margaret turned and moved towards the house, hoping they weren’t back to square one.

Living La Dolce Vita

Day 3 

Venice

© A Product of Silence

We left Dubai at 3.30 am the next day enroute to Venice and to say I was excited would be an understatement. Venice was the place I most wanted to visit in Italy and from the minute I arrived I was in love. Arriving at Marco Polo airport, which is on mainland Italy close to Venice, at 1pm we faced a seven minute walk, towing our luggage to the harbour where we boarded a water taxi for the final leg to the main island of Venice. I cannot describe how it felt finally seeing this city that I have dreamed of for so long, it was amazing. The architecture was so incredible to see first-hand. It is such a beautiful city and I spent the entire time I was there pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. 

Our hotel was in the Accademia region of Venice and after checking in we immediately set out on a walking tour. As we had lost a day there was little time to settle in, it was straight in to sight-seeing and a history lesson, trying to make up for lost time.

Venice

© A Product of Silence

After about five minute of walking through the cobbled streets of this lovely city I realised I had brought entirely the wrong sort of footwear, but at least my feet stayed dry, unlike some of those in the group.

The culmination of the three and half hour tour that took in such places as the Rialto Bridge and Saint Marks square was the restaurant where we were to have dinner. Now I can't honestly say I remember much about dinner, I was just too tired, not to mention overwhelmed, but I do know it was pasta and delicious and it ended with lemoncello, which quickly became my favourite drink in Italy. 

After dinner the walk home was much shorter, thank goodness, about thirty minutes, and by then it was absolutely freezing, but thanks to many layers of clothing I managed to stay warm. 

Due to our early start that day and all the walking once we arrive, we gratefully fell into bed as soon as we reached the hotel. After ringing home, tucked up under the covers I slept until 3.30am and then dozed on and off until 6.30am still not quite believing that I was in Venice.