Going Home

Part 38

As Josh listened he was surprised and moved but the thing that got to him was not his father’s words so much as the fact that he could tell his father doesn’t even realise he had used his first name. Since they had arrived he had consistently called him Josh and this unconscious reversion to Brendan indicated to Josh the depth of the emotion his father was feeling. And this realisation changed Josh’s mind-set. Thinking about it, Josh now realised that since his mother’s visit he had worked through a lot of the anger he had towards them and he just needed his father to confirm that he felt the same way. Had his father’s attitude been different maybe he would still be mad, but after listening to him Josh can finally believe that they didn’t and don’t blame him. On accepting this, relief flowed through Josh making him feel lighter and freer. As such he had no wish to prolong the conversation with recriminations and felt able to offer a small conciliatory gesture “thanks for telling me.”

Robert looked at his son as they continue to walk. Not knowing what was going on in Josh’s head he couldn’t believe his reaction. He was prepared for the anger and bitterness he thought Josh had every right to feel and after the strained atmosphere at lunch he was expecting a fight. With sadness, Robert recognied that he couldn’t really expect to know his son anymore and looking at him as they walked along he wondered if maybe the fight was still to come. But feeling better that he had at least been able to make his apology, Robert decided not to push it and just wait and see. So as they reached the fence he pointed out the animals in the next paddock.

Feeling a little more relaxed now his father had said what he had to say Josh found he enjoyed being back in the country. Until this moment he had no idea how much he missed it and looking out over the land he observed in a quiet voice “it’s dry hey?”

Robert followed his gaze and his tone gloomy, he said “yes.”

The two men stood there for a while in silence and there was a sympathetic feeling between them as they surveyed the dry land. After a while they strolled back to the house and the mood between them was different now, the silence was no longer strained and to Robert it felt like those fourteen years of separation had never happened.