Loss and Longing

“Right well as you know my family is gone, I have no one I need to look after. So instead of leaving what came to me from them languishing in a bank, not doing anyone any good, I decided to put it to good use. What I’ve done is set up trust funds for everyone in your family.”

Stevie’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak but he held up a hand “hang on, I’m not done.”

“As things stand, your brother and sister are sorted out financially, their education is paid for and they’ll have an independent income once they reach eighteen. As for your mother, she need only work now when she wants to, the house will be paid for and she’ll have an income from what is left. So that leaves you, now while I’d prefer to marry you and look after you that way I’m pretty sure you’re not willing to do that so I’ve set up a trust fund for you too.”

“I won’t touch it” Stevie said, her eyes flashing. She was furious he’d gone behind her back and done this.

“That’s your right” Grant said not appearing to be the least bit offended by her lack of gratitude or surprised by her attitude. “But it’s not going anywhere, so it will just sit there until you’re ready.”

“I’ll never be ready. How could you do that, knowing how I’d feel about it?” she asked, angry tears burning her eyes. She felt betrayed.

“I love you” Grant said “and I want you to be happy. I knew helping you wasn’t going to be enough. You’d always feel responsible for your family, you’d always put their needs before your own. So this was the only way I could think of to give you a life of your own.”

“So with one swipe of your pen, you make me redundant, not needed by anyone” Stevie said getting to her feet and beginning to pace “Thanks very much Grant. Great life you gave me.”

“No” Grant said standing and taking a step towards her. “I wanted to set you free.” And his voice soft and deep, he added “you are very needed, by me.”

Stevie closed her eyes. When he spoke to her in that voice, he was hard to resist.

“Stevie I didn’t do it to punish you or hurt you or even to pressure you into taking me back” he said. “I’m aware I blew my chances. I did it so you could be happy and now you can be, even if it’s not with me.”

Stevie opened her eyes and looked at him. “So you’re doing this knowing it’s not going to change anything between us?”

“Yes” he said. “I couldn’t help my family, but I can help you and yours. There are no strings, I promise you. I want you to go out and find someone who makes you happy and I want you to be free to pursue that when it happens.”

Loss and Longing

Stevie turned to leave. It hurt too much just to look at him.

“Please don’t go” he said as her hand made contact with the door handle. “I didn’t think you’d come if I asked you to meet me. I just want to talk. I didn’t know where else we could meet and talk in private.”

Stevie didn’t move.

“Please” he said again “I have something I need to tell you. It won’t take long.”

She turned around and looked at him. She knew her pain was visible in her eyes, she couldn’t hide it.

“Do you want to sit down?” he asked indicating two chairs on either side of a low table in the window. The setting reminded Stevie of their night out at the bar. She pushed the memory away and taking a deep breath, she moved past him and sat down on a single chair in front of a desk instead.

He walked over and pulling another chair over, he sat on the edge of it facing her. He rested his elbows on his thighs and linked his hands. “How are you?” he said.

She didn’t reply. She just glanced at him and then away. He looked tired she noticed.

He sighed and tried again. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get in contact but I wanted to get a few things in place before we spoke again.”

“What things?” she asked as she turned back to look at him. Her tone was wary. She didn’t like the sound of that.

“Things I know you’re not going to be happy about” he admitted.

“Then why did you do them?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“Because I had to” he said.

“What?”

“I’ll get to that” Grant said “first of all I want to apologise for the things I said that morning. I didn’t mean them. I admire the way you stand by your principles, I really do, but it’s not every day you have a proposal thrown back at you. In fact it was the first time I’d made one, so I was reeling a bit.”

Stevie just looked at him.

He sighed again. “Okay to what I have to tell you, I want you to listen to me all the way through before you speak okay?”

She nodded.

Loss and Longing

Stevie’s anger lasted all the way to her place. It wasn’t until after she’d got out of his car without saying a word and had walked into her bedroom, shutting the door firmly on the worried looks of her mother, that it finally dissipated and she felt the impact of what had she done. She was devastated and flopping down on her bed she cried. 

That night, for the first time since they started seeing each other, Grant didn’t text her, nor did he call. And for the next week she heard nothing from him. She did not call him either. She went about her life in a sort of numb, daze. Nothing mattered to her anymore.  She was just going through the motions. Her mother tried to speak to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything except that it was over. She couldn’t bear to talk about what had happened to anyone. Rachel tried too but she didn’t get any further than Nina. Not that it stopped her trying. 

For another week Stevie suffered through a daily barrage of questions from her friend. And it was only by agreeing to meet her for a drink at a hotel in town that Saturday night, that Stevie exacted a promise from Rachel that she would stop the inquisition. They had been to this particular hotel for a couple of girl’s night out in the past. It had a restaurant and bar in the foyer and while they never ate there, the drinks weren’t any dearer than other places and the luxurious atmosphere made it feel like an expensive night out, even if it wasn’t.

Stevie arrived at the hotel on time and after looking for Rachel and not seeing her, she took a seat at one of the tables in the foyer. But she had no sooner sat down than a hotel employee approached her and after asking her name informed her that her friend, Rachel Green had booked a room and requested that she proceed upstairs. Stevie shrugged and getting up took the room card the employee held out and followed him to the lifts. The man waited until the lift opened and then showing her where to insert the card he pressed the button for the correct floor and stood back. 

The lift door slid shut and Stevie stared straight ahead as the lift took her up to the twentieth floor. Normally she’d be excited to see more of the opulent hotel, but like everything else at the moment, she didn’t see any of it. Getting off the lift she walked down the corridor and finding the correct room number inserted the card she’d been given and opened the door. “Rachel” she called as the door closed with a soft click behind her. She got no answer and walking further into the room she saw why. It wasn’t Rachel waiting for her, it was Grant.

Going Home

Part 123

Josh carried Grace up the steps and as he reached the top the front door opened. Margaret had been watching for them and was on hand with Lily Reid to welcome Grace home. Putting Grace down on the couch in the living room Josh gave her a kiss and whispered “looks like you’ll be well looked after. See you tonight yeah?”

“Bye and thanks.” Grace said as she ran her hand lovingly down his face.

Giving her a wink Josh straightened up and replied “no worries.” Then turning to his mother and Lily Josh said “look after her right? She’s not to do anything.”

Smiling Margaret said “don’t worry Josh, we’ll take good care of her.”

Nodding he said “see ya” and headed out the front door.

Smiling at her Mother and Margaret Grace leaned her head back on the couch, feeling  little weary. Even though she hadn’t done anything she was exhausted all of a sudden.

“Tired honey?” Lily asked.

“Yeah.”

“How’s the arm feeling?”

“Not bad I had some pain medication before I left.” Grace said.

“Well how about we get you into bed so you can have a sleep?”

“Mmm sounds good Mum.” Grace said trying to get up.

Stepping forward Lily helped Grace get to her feet then holding her arm guided her into the bedroom. Sitting her on the bed Lily removed her shoes and pulling back the covers watched as Grace lowered herself down with care. Then moving to the blinds she shut them plunging the room into darkness before leaning over and kissing Grace on the head. Pulling the covers over her Lily straightened up and watched as Grace’s eyes closed. Leaving the room she pulled the door to but didn’t close it completely. She wanted to be able to hear her daughter when she woke up.

Loss and Longing

“What about what you need?” Grant asked, frowning.

“I can’t think about that” Stevie said looking away.

“What, never?” he said, sounding incredulous.

“No not never, just not for a while” she said. “How can I just leave them to struggle?”

“I’m not asking you to. Let me help” he said.

“I can’t do that Grant. It wouldn’t be right.”

“As a stranger perhaps” he said, beginning to sound angry “but as your husband, why not?”

“I don’t know. It just wouldn’t feel right.”

“That’s ridiculous” he said.

Stevie was getting angry too now. “Maybe” she said “but it’s how I feel and you need to respect it.”

“I have and I do” he roared. “But where does that leave us?”

“Why can’t we just go on as we were?” she said.

“Because I want more.”

“And I’m just supposed to bow to your wishes, is that it? Regardless of how I feel about it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous” Grant yelled. “I’m just trying to get you to see reason.”

“Right” she said seething now, “in the last two minutes you have called me ridiculous twice and unreasonable. Maybe the real trouble is, I’m just not the person you thought I was.”

“Maybe you’re not” Grant yelled back.

She blanched and getting out of bed she said “then there’s no point continuing this discussion is there?”  She scooped up her clothes and added “I’m going home.”

“Fine” he yelled, getting out of bed too, “I’ll drive you.”

“Don’t bother” she said not wanting any favours from him now. “I can find my own way.”

“No you can’t” he said “for once you’re just going to have to swallow that pride of yours and except my help, because you don’t have any other options. You won’t get a taxi to come all the way out here for such a short trip and there are no buses on Sunday morning.”

Stevie glared at him, then spinning around she walked into the ensuite and slammed the door. Fuming, she threw on her clothes and was out the door again in less than five minutes. The bedroom was empty. She shoved everything back into her bag and walked out to the car. Grant was waiting for her. She didn’t look at him and he didn’t speak.