Going Home

Part 33

Josh watched as his father walked down the steps. Studying him, he seemed to Josh to have aged more than his mother. While he could see no real evidence of his recent illness he looked older than his years. As his mother said the continual work had taken its toll.

Watching the older man come towards them Grace could finally see a family resemblance. Josh was very like his father in both build and looks and as she said hello to Margaret Grace watched the two men meet.

Standing in front of his son Robert Joshua looked closely at him taking in the changes fourteen years had brought. He was older certainly but there were other changes visible too. Where his oldest son was once quick to joke and smile, the man standing before him now had the air of a very intense character, not much given to humour. It saddened Robert to realise that he was partly responsible for that change. That if he had handled things better his son would not have had to go through half his life alone and may still feel able to use the name they gave him when he was born. But instead his selfishness had lead to over fourteen years of separation and untold damage to one of the two people who mean the most to him.

Looking at his father Josh waited to see his reaction. Despite his mother’s assertion that he didn’t hold Josh responsible for the accident that killed Gavin, Josh had no idea what his attitude would be.

Knowing it was up to him to make the first move, Robert put out his hand and said with hesitation “Josh.”

Living La Dolce Vita

This is something a little different. It is the diary of a trip I made to Italy in January 2008

Dubai

© A Product of Silence

Day 1 & 2

I have to start this story by telling you that I undertook this tour of Italy with a girlfriend and her daughter as part of a high school group. I have three children and a lovely husband and this fifteen day trip was the longest I have ever been away from all of them. Therefore I set out with very mixed emotions. I have wanted to visit Italy for as long as I can remember so I was excited about that but to do that meant leaving those I love the most behind. Saying goodbye to them at the airport was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But once that was done things got easier, except for the waiting that is. Earlier our flight had been delayed by seven hours meaning instead of departing at 8pm we took off at 3am. This delay then meant we missed our connecting flight in Dubai. So instead of a two hour stopover we had to be put up there overnight. While I was happy to get a look at Dubai, which we wouldn't have done otherwise, the delay meant we lost a day in Venice, the place I most wanted to see in Italy. 

However after a brief stopover at Singapore, where we didn't even get off the plane, we arrived in Dubai at 3pm. This city was an eye opener from the word go. The robed officials at the airport seemed a friendly sight to our tired eyes until we looked at their Id. tags which where all taken with them in military uniform. We weren’t feeling quite so relaxed then. Nor did our first encounters with toilets without benefit of porcelain fittings improve matters. However after being transported to our hotel, not far from the airport, we checked into our rooms, had a quick shower and some lunch and feeling more human, set out to explore. Getting on a bus we were transported to a local shopping centre. Here the thing that struck me on entering the centre was that except for the large number of robed individuals frequenting the shops, it could have been a shopping centre anywhere in the world. The architecture was very generic which was a little disappointing. After a few hours of retail therapy the only thing I can say about shopping in Dubai is that it is expensive. It cost $8 Australian for a cup of coffee. 

Back at the hotel we had an early dinner and then happily, an early night, inspecting the many gold shops in the lobby of the hotel on the way to bed. Next stop Venice. 

Going Home

Part 32

After a couple of minutes of driving along the narrow side road Josh pointed to a turning on the right “okay stop here and I’ll open the gate.”

But before he got out Grace grabbed his hand and pulling him towards her she gave him a quick kiss before looking at him with a concerned expression, “remember what ever happens, I love you, okay?”

Giving her a lopsided smile Josh touched her face “thanks.”

Grace smiled back at him “no worries” and she released his hand.

Josh opened the gate across the driveway to the farm and waited for Grace to drive though. But hearing the sound of metal on metal as he secured the gate with the chain, memories invaded his head. He must have done this thousand’s of times as he was growing up, opening the gate, waiting for his dad to drive through, before shutting it again. It was part of the daily life of living on a farm, and drilled into him from the minute he was old enough to understand, never leave a gate open. As he continued to stand there he suddenly remembered how he and Gavin fought constantly about whose turn it was. Caught off guard by the direction of his thoughts Josh quickly turned away from the gate, he hadn’t thought about him and Gavin as kids for years, hadn’t been able to, but since his mother made contact with him, he couldn’t seem to stop those memories from coming. Walking back to the car Josh looked out over the farm and his mind turned yet again to contemplation of the meeting ahead with his father. He had a feeling it was going to be more difficult than the first meeting with his mother. But at least she should have filled him in on a few things so he wouldn’t be starting from scratch again.

 Josh got back in the car and Grace set it in motion again. She could see the farm house now and knew the next few minutes were going to be telling. Looking over at Josh, his expression gave nothing away but she knew he was nervous. Pulling up in front of the house Grace turned off the engine and looked at him, “ready?”

Nodding Josh opened the door and stepped out. Like the town they passed through, the farm looked nearly exactly the same as the day he left. It seemed to him that time had stood still and all of a sudden he was seventeen again. But turning back to the house, the feeling was gone as Josh saw his mother coming down the few steps from the veranda towards them. She was smiling but looking over her shoulder Josh saw his father.

Going Home

Part 31

Early Saturday morning two weekends later, Josh and Grace set off on the three hour trip to the Joshua family farm. Grace was driving and for an hour Josh just sat with his arm on the window sill watching the countryside go by. Glancing over at him Grace noticed his serious expression and decided to break the silence “you okay?”

Turning his head to looks at her, Josh’s expression is bleak ”yeah.”

Grace took her hand off the wheel and reached over to hold his for a second. She knew this was going to be hard for Josh but if he could get through this last step she was sure he’d be better off.

Letting Josh go back to his thoughts, it is a couple of hour later that Grace asked, “ok so where do I go now?”

Jolted back to the present by her voice, Josh looked around. She had turned off the highway at the nearest town to the farm and now needed him to direct her the rest of the way. Looking around Josh couldn’t believe how little it had changed. By the look of it, he could have left yesterday, not over fourteen years ago. Pointing down the road Josh said “straight through town, the farm’s on the other side.”

Grace pulled back onto the road and drove them through the small town. It looked the same as any of the towns they had passed through.

Once out the other side, Josh instructed Grace to keep going “the turn off is a few kilometers further on.”

A couple of minutes later Josh pointed to a road on the left “okay this is it turn here.”

As Grace turned the car onto the narrow dirt road she noticed five or six letter boxes off to the side. Obviously this was as far as the post man went. She noticed on the third letter box, in red lettering, was the name Joshua.

Going Home

This part of Going Home has a more adult content so I have posted it in a different blog I created for this purpose. If you'd like to read these parts message me and I'll send you a link to the new blog..

Who wants to be a model?

Pick me, pick me, I hear you all say. Well let me tell you, after taking part in a photo shoot early on a cold Sunday morning, one thing I know is that I wouldn’t want to do it for a living. It definitely isn’t all it is cracked up to be. While the end result may look effortless and glamorous, as we soon found out, the achieving of those results can be anything but. Ever tried running through wet streets in high heels, holding up a billowy white dress, whilst trying not to be blown away?  Or performed a quick strip in and out of said dress, in a hotel toilet? No, well I’ve been there and trust me, it is not something you want to be doing very often. 

Now I’m not saying that this process didn’t make for its fair share of laughs and ridiculous moments, not to mention attracting some very odd looks from passers-by, because it certainly did. However it is not really my ideal way to spend a Sunday morning. My idea of a perfect Sunday morning is sleeping late and waking slowly, followed by coffee and some reading. A world away from being thrust into the spot light and having to fulfil the many minute directions of the photographer. Look this way, look that way, chin down, chin up, smile, don’t smile, move left, move right. And in the end, feeling sure you look anything but natural.

So after an hour of being the centre of attention I was more than happy to fade back into the background and be able to look where and how I pleased. While being a model sounded like a great thing to do and was an interesting experience, to those people who do this on a daily basis, all I can say is, I’m glad it’s you and not me.

Going Home

Part 29

Looking at Josh, Grace said “and what do you think about it?” referring to his mother’s request that they visit the farm.

“Well if you had asked me earlier today I’d probably have said no, but now I don’t know.”

“I know it’s going to be difficult Josh but you’ve come this far, you may as well finish it and I think going home will enable you to finish it one way or the other. Either you’ll repair your relationship with both your parents and finally put the past behind you. Or you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is not possible and move on anyway. Either way you won’t have the guilt you’ve lived with all these years.”

Looking at her Josh said “how do you know this stuff?”

Grace shrugged and smiled “it’s easy to see the solution to someone else’s problem. When you’re not emotionally involved it gives you a different perspective. Now if this was about me I’d be as lost as the next person.” 

Reaching out Josh pulled her into his arms “well just as well it’s not about you because I sure as hell couldn’t help you.”

Laughing Grace hugged him then pulled back and said “so when do we go?”

“Don’t know. We have a weekend off coming up but she said she’d ring later this week.”

“Oh ok so we wait?” Grace said, rubbing her hand over his chest.

Watching the movement of her hand, as her touch had its usual effect, Josh was no longer interested in watching TV or in anything they were discussing. Looking into her eyes he grinned. “Well I can think of something we could do in the mean time.”

“Josh you have a one track mind.” she chided with a laugh.

“When it comes to you, afraid so. Are you complaining?”

“Well no but …”

But before Grace could finish the thought Josh said “good enough” and kissed her. The heated caress, stopping her thought processes altogether. Then without breaking the contact with her mouth he picked her up and headed for the bedroom.