Loss and Longing

The words were torn from him and while she was relieved Stevie felt remorseful for pushing him. “I’m sorry” she said.

He shook his head, “I should have told you before.”

“Do you often dream about her?”

“I did, I haven’t for a while now though. I was hoping they were a thing of the past. Maybe it was being with your family tonight that stirred it up. I don’t know.”

Stevie crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry” she said again.

He sighed and fitted one hand around her forearm as it lay across his chest. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“I shouldn’t have made you tell me. I should have trusted you. Is this what you haven’t been able to talk about?”

He nodded.

“Well don’t worry about it” she said, wanting to give him some space. “Let’s just go back to sleep. This isn’t the time.”

“No” he said turning to face her “I need to tell you about it.”

“Are you sure?” she said.

“Yes” he said and pushing the pillow up against the bed head he leant back against it, his long legs were straight out on the bed and crossed at the ankles. “It’s not going to go away by itself. I know that now. Maybe telling you will help.”

Stevie sat next to him and picked up his hand. “Did she die in the accident that killed your parents” she asked trying to help him.

“No” he said “but I wish she had.”

“Why?” she asked when he didn’t say any more. Her voice was soft. She knew now he needed to talk and that gave her the courage to prompt him.

“Because I could have buried her not hating her, I could have said goodbye still remembering the good things about her” he said, his voice was hard and bitter.

Stevie was shocked by the level of emotion underlying his words but she did her best not to show it. “What happened?” she asked when he again fell silent.

“Leah chose a life where her only interest was self destruction. She became involved in the drug culture.”

“Because of the death of your parent’s?” Stevie asked, thinking she understood now what had happened.

But Grant shook his head, “no, that I could almost have understood and forgiven. No, I’m sure Leah was already dabbling in that stuff before the accident. She was only just eighteen when my parents died. Being the youngest, she had been over indulged all her life and it didn’t do her any good. Even at that age she was a party girl, only interested in the next good time. No, what I struggled with was the fact that she used their death as an excuse to delve further. That’s what I can’t forgive. Stupidly at first I thought I could save her. I’d only just moved into this house when they died so she came here to live with me. I gave up my job when things got bad and began working from home so I could be there to look after her.” His tone embittered and his expression angry he added “fat lot of good it did.”

Stevie squeezed his hand. She had no words.

Going Home

Part 119

Next morning when Grace woke it took her a minute to work out where she was. Then as the wound in her left arm made its presence known she remembered what had happened and hearing a slow rhythmic breathing turned her head and smiled. Josh was sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Some one had given him a pillow and a blanket and he had his large feet up on the bed.

Reaching out Grace touched his arm where it rested next to the bed and Josh woke with a start.

Looking around he saw Grace was awake and he smiled. Getting out of the chair he sat beside her on the bed and said “morning.” Then bending to give her lips a soft kiss he asked “how do you feel?”

Smiling at him Grace said “like I’ve been run over by a truck.”

“Well thank god you don’t look like that.” He joked.

Laughing Grace said with contrition “I didn’t mean for you to stay all night Josh, you should have gone home.”

“Why? I got more sleep here than I would have at home worrying about you. You scared the life out of me Grace.”

Grace looked him with a serious expression. She had been there too and she knew exactly how he must have been feeling. So nodding she said “I know.”