Loss and Longing

The next evening Stevie could smell dinner as soon as Grant opened the door to her. “Something smells good” she said.

“I was just thinking the same thing” Grant said as he lowered his head and kissed her neck.

She smiled and dropping her bag onto the floor in the passage as his arms snaked around her waist, she teased “I think you need to invest in a table for this spot.”

He grinned and said “good idea.” Then releasing her he grabbed her hand and led her into the bedroom.

Later as they relaxed on his bed Stevie said “don’t you have to check on dinner?”

“No” he said kissing his way along her jaw “it’s in the slow cooker, so it’s ready when we are.”

“And are we ready?” she asked with a smile.

“No” he said smiling against her throat “not yet.”

She laughed and pulling his head up, locked her mouth on his. 

An hour or so later, Grant got out of bed and pulling on some tracksuit pants went into the kitchen. He came back with two steaming bowls. They contained a lamb and vegetable casserole that made Stevie’s mouth water. “This looks incredible.”

“Let’s hope it tastes okay” Grant said.

“I’m sure it will. It smells delicious.”

“Thanks” he said. 

As they ate Stevie asked Grant about his work. He had told her early on that he worked from home, but she was curious about how he managed to do that and why. “Do you always work here?” she said.

“These days I do. I used to work for a big firm, that’s where I started.”

“Do you miss the contact with colleagues?” she said.

“Not really” he said, looking away. “I have to go out on site at times for different projects or go and see a client, but a lot of my work is just me designing and I don’t need anyone else for that.”

Stevie wasn’t sure she believed he truly liked his solitary existence, but she didn’t question it. Instead she asked “why did you change?”

“After my parents died, it was easier for me to work here. I guess I got used to it and now I work for myself.”

 “How old were you when they died?” she asked with care knowing she was broaching a touchy subject.

“Twenty six” he said.

“It must have been hard to lose them both at once.”

“It was” he said, his eyes averted.

“How about you?” he said after a minute as he looked at her. “Losing your dad so young changed your life completely I’m guessing.”

She nodded. “It did. It changed everything for me. I was set to go to uni but instead I had to go straight out to work.”

“What would you have studied?

“I wanted to be a teacher” Stevie said.

“Does it make you angry?”

“It did, for ages. But then I realised there was no point to it. Being angry all the time wasn’t changing anything. It wasn’t bringing my dad back, nor was it getting my old life back. I was just making myself and everyone else miserable.”

Grant nodded, “I understand all about the pointlessness of being angry about something you can’t change.”

“Your parent’s death?” she asked.

“Yes” he said. 

But from his slight hesitation before he’d answered, Stevie got the feeling he was talking about something else too. She wondered if it was the issue that they had touched on a couple of times but which he couldn’t talk about. He intimated he’d had a sibling, but not anymore. Were they killed in the accident too, she wondered. If so why was their passing still so raw in a way that his parent’s weren’t? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to push it with him. She knew how horrific it was to be made to talk before you were ready because someone misguidedly thought it was the right thing for you. 

She reached out and clasped his hand. He looked up and gave her a sad smile. Then taking her bowl he put it and his own on the bedside table and lying down, gathered her to him. For a long time they just held each other. Then easing back, he looked at her for a second before lowering his head. 

Stevie kissed him back, wanting to comfort him, but before long the kiss changed and they became lost in each other once more.