Going Home

Part 84

Margaret wasn’t sure what she expected Grace to reveal but it certainly wasn’t that and uncertain how to respond she just said “oh.”

Watching Margaret’s face closely Grace could see the surprise but couldn’t tell what else Josh’s mother was feeling. However regardless of her reaction she had to explain, she couldn’t let her think this was Josh’s fault. So quietly Grace began “before I met Josh and started to work with him I was happily married, or so I thought. My husband, Connor and I had known each other for years. He was like part of my family even before we decided to marry. I loved him and we were married for three years. But when I met Josh and got to know him I began to feel something I’d never felt before. My feelings for Josh made me realise that I the way I loved Connor was more like brother than a lover.”

Grace paused a minute.

Margaret didn’t speak, she knew Grace wasn’t finished.

Grace continued, “until I started to fall in love with Josh I didn’t know what passion was or know that this was what was missing from my relationship with my husband. The love I feel for Josh is like no love I’ve ever known before but I didn’t set about the breaking up of my marriage on a whim. It tore me apart for months that I had these sort of feeling for someone other than my husband. And it was not Josh that started it. Oh he made his interest known but he never really did anything about it. It was me who took the first step. I knew it was wrong but I just couldn’t help it. I loved him. And I guess it didn’t help that Connor was not supportive of my life choices, he didn’t want me in the police force let alone TR and he wanted to start a family straight away, something I wasn’t ready for. But I don’t mean that that excuses what I did, I treated him badly and hated myself for doing it.”

Pausing again Grace looked out at the night as she remembered that time with sadness. Then determined to finish she continued “for a while we met secretly and that is something I never would have believed I was capable of. But at the time it seemed the easiest solution. Walking away from my marriage was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and with Josh becoming more and more firmly entrenched in my head and my heart, I’m ashamed to say I took the easier path and put off resolving the situation. But that doesn’t change that I should have and long before I did. Anyway a close call with a bomb changed everything. I knew I couldn’t go on living the way I was after that so I told Connor and eventually we were divorced.”

Taking a deep breath as she finished Grace couldn’t bring herself to look at Margaret, she didn’t want to see the disappointment and disapproval she was sure Margaret must be feeling.