Learning To Trust Again

But Jake leaving now was the last thing Rebecca wanted now and a delicate blush suffusing her face she smiled as she pulled herself together. ‘No, that’s fine. Give me five minutes to change and I’ll be ready to go.’

‘Take your time’ he said lowering his head and giving her a quick kiss before releasing her.

Rebecca smiled. She was fast becoming addicted to kissing him and before she gave into the temptation to do it again, she walked out of the kitchen.

Closing the bedroom door, she leant her back against it and sighed. She was in awe at the difference a few minutes could make. Here she was thinking he was just going to pretend she’d never said anything when really he’d come to apologise. God what if she’d just shut the door in his face? She felt sick at the thought. Pushing off the door, not wanting to keep him waiting, she started moving. Dragging off her uniform and underwear she shoved them into the clothes basket before pulling on fresh clothes and refreshing her makeup. Lastly she sprayed on some perfume and stepping into her shoes walked into the living room, well within the allotted time. But Jake was nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen and just when she was starting to panic, thinking he’d left she spotted the curtain across the balcony moving, meaning the door was open. Pulling the curtain back, she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw him leaning on the railing. ‘Ready’ she said stepping out behind him.

Jake turned his head and smiled. Straightening and stepping towards her, he said, ‘that was quick.’

Rebecca smiled ‘I told you it would only take me five minutes’ she pointed out.

‘Yeah but I thought that was code for at least fifteen with women’ he teased.

‘Not with me, I believe in being honest’ Rebecca said with quiet vehemence.

‘Good to know’ Jake said and clasping her hand he added ‘let’s go.’

Jake took Rebecca back to the restaurant they had had coffee in when he was escorting her home. ‘I hope it’s okay to eat here?’ he asked.

‘Of course’ Rebecca replied.

‘I’ve been stopping here quite a bit recently for coffee on my way home’ he said.

Smiling Rebecca said ‘I’m surprised we haven’t bumped into each other then, I stop here all the time.’

Looking away Jake said ‘different shifts I guess.’

Rebecca sensed there was something he wasn’t saying and wondered if he’d been hoping that’s what would happen so he could apologise and when it hadn’t he’d used his hand as an excuse. She smiled to herself and nodded.

Learning To Trust Again

It was a long, sweet kiss and Rebecca sank into it, lost before she knew what was happening. She couldn’t help herself and despite her earlier anger, as his hands moved down her back and he pulled her against him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight.

Easing back after a minute but retaining his hold on her he looked down into her eyes. His gaze was intense as he said ‘better?’

Swallowing hard, Rebecca searched his eyes and nodded ‘much better.’

‘I’m sorry’ he said, contrition visible in his eyes, ‘I never regretted it and it won’t happen again.’

Rebecca nodded, but then frowned. She was confused. After that kiss her brain was refusing to work in the normal manner. What wasn’t going to happen again? Did he mean he wasn’t going to kiss her again or that he wasn’t going to pull away like he’d done in the past. She hoped it wasn’t the former because she didn’t think she’d survive if she wasn’t able to kiss him again but at the moment she couldn’t tell. Her eyes dropping of their own accord from his eyes to his lips, she decided she couldn’t stand not knowing. She needed to find out straight away and reaching up she met his mouth again in a searing kiss.

Moving back a short time later he smiled ‘testing me?’ he said.

‘Yes’ Rebecca replied and blushing as she realised what she’d said she looked away and amended ‘I mean no.’

He laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I don’t blame you, but I promise you I won’t pull back like that anymore.’

She had her answer and looking up, she smiled.

‘You eaten yet?’ he asked pushing some hair behind her ear, ‘I was hoping we could get some dinner.’

Rebecca shook her head ‘no I haven’t eaten. Dinner sounds good.’

‘So do you need some time to get ready?’

Her mind still slow to function, Rebecca looked around and said ‘umm…’

Smiling he asked ‘do you want me to come back?’

Loss and longing

“Did I hear your phone ring?” her mother asked as Stevie walked into the kitchen for a drink a few moments later.

“Uh hah” she said as she grabbed some orange juice from the fridge and poured herself a glass.

“Was it work?” Nina Fielding asked. At a little over five feet tall and without an ounce of excess fat on her, she was a small woman, but she had a forceful  personality and seemingly boundless energy.

“No” Stevie said, hoping her mother wouldn’t ask any more questions.

Fat chance, she thought as Nina fired out the next one.                         

“So who was it then?”

“A friend” Stevie said and wanting to get it all out of the way she said “by the way I’m not going to be here for dinner tomorrow and before you ask no I haven’t forgotten Dean has basketball practice. I’ll get him there and back before I go.”

“Are you going to tell me where you’re going?”

Turning she pinned her mother with her own steady blue gaze and said “no.”

Her mother shrugged and feigned a hurt tone, “fine, don’t tell me.”

“I won’t” Stevie said with a smile, knowing her mother’s tactics well and kissing her on the head on her way past she said “night mum.”

“I’m just glad whoever it is has improved your mood” the older woman teased.

“Night Mum” Stevie said again determined to end her fishing expedition.

“Night honey” her mother said with a grin. “And thank you for transporting your brother tomorrow” she added, “one day I’ll make it all up to you.”

Stevie turned in the door way “it’s fine mum, really. Get some rest.”

“I will. I’ll just hang out the washing and then I’m off to bed.”

“I’ll do that” Stevie said moving towards her again.

“No you won’t” her mother said pushing her out of the room. “You do enough around here as it is as well as work full time. Now go, get out of here.”

Learning To Trust Again

It was another two days before Rebecca saw Jake again. After the way they had left things she really didn’t expect to see him at all and because of that she had done her best to put him out of her mind. She hadn’t been very successful, but she had resigned herself to the fact that whatever could have been between them, was over even before it had begun. So answering her door not long after arriving home from work one night, she was shocked to see him standing on her door step. And unprepared for the upheaval of emotions his unexpected appearance caused within her, for a minute she could only stare at him.

He didn’t speak.

 And at length, she breathed ‘hi’

‘Hi’ Jake said with a stern expression. Holding out his hand he looked down at it and added ‘I was wondering if you could redress this?’

Rebecca looked at his hand for a minute without replying. She was wondering if he was just going to ignore the way they had parted last time, pretend it never happened. When she looked back into his eyes and he didn’t say anything more she concluded that he was and all of a sudden she was angry. How dare he just show up again without being prepared to explain anything or at the very least apologise for his odd behaviour?

Furious, but at the same time unable to just turn him away, she frowned and stepped back, tacitly inviting him to enter. ‘How’s it feeling?’ she asked with a hard edge to her voice, her question a need to fill the silence more than anything else. She didn’t look at him but she could feel Jake watching her.

He said ‘yeah not bad, but I’m looking forward to getting the stitches out.’

‘I can imagine’ she replied, still sounding terse. Then holding out a hand, indicating the way she said in the same uncompromising tone ‘you know where the kitchen is.’

She saw the surprise in his eyes before he looked away. Good, she thought, about time he was on the receiving end for a change.

Jake nodded and turned to lead the way.

Gathering the things she’d need to tend to his wound Rebecca moved with quiet efficiency, her steady movements belying the storm brewing within her.  

Applying a new bandage to the nearly healed wound on his hand Rebecca kept her eyes down. She didn’t want to react to him when that clearly wasn’t what he wanted. He hadn’t come to clear the air, to talk about what had happened. He just needed his hand bandaged and that hurt her. What happened clearly meant nothing to him. She seethed that while he could care less she was aware of his every movement without even looking at him.

But as she finished and began packing up he stood and moved towards her. Standing close to her, he said in a whisper ‘hey’ prompting her to look at him.

Rebecca stopped what she was doing and lifted her troubled eyes to his, ‘yes?’ she said, her tone curt.

 Jake didn’t respond, instead he stepped closer still, his body skimming hers here and there, sending jolts of electricity racing through her. Sliding his hands into her hair on either side of her face, he held her head between them. He rubbed his thumbs over her jaw as he looked deep into her eyes.

Rebecca’s breath was caught in her throat as she watched him spell bound. She couldn’t have moved away if she tried.

Lowering his head Jake kissed her.

Learning To Trust Again

Pacing inside the door, Rebecca was furious. Why did he do that? she asked herself, stamping her foot to relieve some of the frustration she was feeling. From the look on his face afterwards, she could only think he hated it or hated himself for doing it. So why keep doing it? Her eyes moved of their own volition back to the door. Part of her hoped he’d knock and explain. But as she heard him walk away her anger subsided and despair took its place. What had she done? Things had gone so well until he’d kissed her. They had been relaxed and comfortable with each other and now it was all a mess and he’d probably never contact her again. Sighing as she leaned her back on the door, she couldn’t stop the tears trickling down her face. Why did he have to be so complicated?

After a few minutes she straightened and brushed the tears away, impatient with herself. Pragmatic, or at least trying to be, she decided if he couldn’t get his act together or wouldn’t explain then that would be it. She’d had enough of men playing games to last her a life time and she’d be damned if she was going to let a man she hardly knew play with her emotions like that. Coming full circle, back to angry once more, she moved off to clear up from dinner, putting her excess aggression to good use and pushing Jake out of her mind.

Going Home

Part 96

Two weeks later Josh and Grace were packing to leave for a weekend away with Margaret and Robert. Grace had booked them a house boat on Lake Eildon for the weekend and she had high hopes that this trip would mark a new relationship for Josh and his parents. One that would see them able at last to talk about Gavin so his life could be remembered.

“So how are we going to move this boat?” Josh asked as he packs a bag.

Sighing Grace replied, “Josh I’ve already told you someone moves it to where we want to go and then comes back and moves us back. We don’t have to do anything.”

Glaring at her for a minute in silence Josh turned back to finish his packing. When the hell had she told him that, he certainly didn’t remember hearing that before.

Grace hid a smile as she too went back to packing. She knew Josh was worried about what the weekend would bring so she didn’t push it with him.

Finally ready to leave Josh put the bags in the back of the ute and said “where are we meeting Mum and Dad?”

Stopping herself from sighing again because she’d told Josh all this, Grace said “on the other side of the Black Spur. We’re going to stop and have lunch there.” Then wanting to give him something else to think about Grace reached up and putting her arms around his neck gave him a passionate kiss. Feeling the strength of Josh’s hold on her she knew he was on edge and easing back she looked into his eyes and said “okay?”

Josh stared into her eyes for a minute then leaning down gave her a quick kiss and said “okay. Let’s go.”

Learning To Trust Again

Rebecca noticed Jake didn’t seem keen to go but she knew that could just be because of his dislike for the night shift ahead of him. She nodded, disappointed that their time was up. She’d really enjoyed his company and was pleased with how it had all gone. Standing she put her cup alongside his and followed him to the door. As he pulled his jacket on, she opened the door for him. Then when he turned to face her, she reached up and kissed his cheek ‘thank you Jake, for everything.’

Moving back she smiled, ready to say good bye.

But Jake didn’t return her smile, nor did he speak. He looked down at her in silence, his gaze intense.

Unnerved a little by his reaction Rebecca wondered if maybe she’s done something wrong and was on the point of apologising when still without a word, he lowered his head and kissed her full on the mouth. It was not a sweet kiss either, like the last time he’d kissed her. Instead it was one that spoke of an undeniable hunger and need and it was all Rebecca could do to remain standing as she matched his aggression, kiss for kiss. So lost was she in the embrace that she was left breathless and reeling, when without warning, Jake pulled back, releasing her. Looking at his expression she sensed he was getting ready to leave again without an explanation and her anger sparked all of a sudden. She had had enough of his hot and cold routine and decided this time she wasn’t going to let him get away with it. With a frown, her tone sharp, she asked ‘why do you do that?’

‘Kiss you?’ he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

‘No, kiss me and then pull away like you immediately regret it ever happened. It’s not a very nice feeling being on the receiving end of that you know.’

Frowning, he pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans in what seemed to be a defensive gesture. ‘I don’t know’ he said.

Crossing her arms, her anger getting the better of her she stated with determination ‘I’m sorry but that’s not good enough. I think you do know why and if you are sorry, please don’t do it again.’ Then spinning around before he could respond, she stepped back inside and slammed the door.