Learning To Trust Again

Two days later Rebecca was reading the paper on the balcony over her second cup of coffee for the morning when the door bell rang. She had been putting off doing the house work she had to do because it was such a beautiful morning. She just couldn’t bear to be working inside when she could be enjoying the sun. Standing, she walked inside. Crossing the living room she entered the foyer and pulled open the door. As it swung inward and revealed her visitor, she smiled at the tall, lanky man with the same blue eyes as her own, ‘hello Todd, back in town I see’

‘Yep and I decided to come and check for myself that you were okay’ her brother said as he flicked her pony tail and walked past her into her apartment.

Rebecca rolled her eyes. ‘I told you yesterday I was fine’ she said as she closed the door and followed him inside.

‘Yeah but after the risks you’ve been taking lately I wanted to see it with my own eyes.’

Rebecca frowned and moved so she could look him in the eyes.Her voice sharp, she said ‘while I appreciate your concern, can we not start that again? I told you there was nothing to worry about.’

‘Well I’m not sure I agree,’ Todd said ‘but I’m glad you’re okay Becs. You can’t be too careful you know.’

‘I’m fine and I’ve had a quiet, uneventful couple of days’ she said.

‘And this guy hasn’t been back?’ he asked.

‘No Todd’ Rebecca said starting to feel exasperated again that he wouldn’t let it go.

‘Good, now do I get a cup of coffee or what?’ he asked with a grin.

Shaking her head at his cheekiness and unable to help it, she smiled back at him. And as the door bell rang again she said ‘tell you what, you get the door and I’ll make your coffee.’

Still grinning Todd said ‘done’ and he headed back to the entry to answer the door.

Her smile still in place too, Rebecca walked into the kitchen. Her brother really could be a pain in the neck, but he always managed to make her smile. After putting the kettle back on and getting another cup out she started to wonder what was taking him so long at the door. As she rarely got visitors, other than her brother, she was expecting it to be someone at the wrong apartment or selling something. She had hoped Todd would get rid of them without her having to talk them. That’s why she’d sent him to the door. So she was a little annoyed to hear her brother call her to come to the door a few second later. Frowning she walked through the living room towards the entrance wondering how long it was going to take to get rid of whoever it was. She could just about guarantee it was a representative of an electricity or phone company. And as soon as she said hello she knew they’d they would reel off a whole heap of information that she neither understood or cared about before she could get a word in to tell them she wasn’t interested. What a waste of time for both of them. But as she neared the door and saw the tall man standing on the door step her eyebrows rose in surprise and her heart skipped a beat.

Learning To Trust Again

Stunned by his behavior, Rebecca just stood in the doorway for several minutes, unable to move. She didn’t know what to think. His lips on hers had felt so right. Surely she wasn’t the only one who felt that, he must have felt that too, but then nothing or worse than nothing, rejection as he walked away. How was she supposed to take that? Did he regret it? Shaking her head she finally moved inside, but she was still thoughtful as she locked the door. He hadn’t even given her the opportunity to suggest getting together. Was that why he’d kissed her, to avoid an awkward scene with him having to say he wasn’t interested? But surely the kiss just made it more awkward, unless of course he didn’t plan to see her again. But then why not just say good bye and leave before she said anything? So starting again she considered whether he wanted to kiss her. It felt like he did, but then how did she explain him leaving without a word, not to mention the look on his face. Shaking her head, unable to make any sense of it Rebecca gave up and moved into the bedroom to get ready for bed. This time she knew she wasn’t going to sleep straight away, no matter how tired she was. After Jake’s odd behaviour, not to mention the kiss that she could still feel on her lips, it was all she could think about. Just as well she wasn’t working tomorrow.

Loss and Longing

Stevie turned to look at his back, as he poured the coffee, and again she got the feeling that this was a man who led a solitary existence. She sensed that much of the time, Scout was his only company and as before, couldn’t help but wonder why.

Grant passed her a mug and then took a seat on the stool next to her. “So was the car fixed okay?”

“It’s perfect, thank you. I’m sorry, I forgot to say that earlier.”

He smiled, “don’t worry about it. You had other things on your mind.”

“Yes” she said looking down at her mug.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable by organising it without telling you first. I just wanted it fixed as soon as possible for you.”

“Thank you” she said, her eyes still averted “and I’m sorry for being so rude to you. I think what made me so touchy about it was the man at the panel shop assuming...” she stopped not knowing how to put it.

Grant watched her for a moment and when she didn’t continue, he prompted “assuming?”

She blushed and turned her head to the side “assuming there was more to it” she said knowing she wasn’t being very clear and feeling stupid. “I didn’t want people reading more into it than they should.”

Grant didn’t say anything and when she dared to look at him, expecting to see an amused expression, she was surprised to see he looked anything but.

He was frowning as he asked “you didn’t want people thinking we were involved, romantically?”

She nodded.

“Why?”

She looked away again and said “because we’re not and that’s not why you paid for the repairs.”

“Would it be so bad?” he asked in a soft voice.

“Of course it would” she said turning back to frown at him, “it’d be an incorrect assumption that would make me look like someone with no values.”

He shook his head. “No I mean would it be so bad if we were romantically involved?”

Stevie’s breath evaporated and as his gaze slipped down to rest on her lips, her heart rate went through the roof. Swallowing she said “what?”

Learning To Trust Again

Pleased she had got him beyond one word answers, Rebecca pushed for more. She stuck to the subject of work though as he seemed comfortable talking about that. ‘So what is your strong suit then? At work I mean’

Shrugging Jake replied ‘rescues probably, getting people out of tricky situations.’

‘So like what you did for me the other night?’

‘More or less, and anything requiring ropes and climbing.’

Looking at him, her admiration increasing the more she found out, she asked ‘so you abseil down buildings and off cliffs and bridges.’

‘Sometimes’ he agreed ‘but it all depends on what’s happening, what the job is. That’s really what I like about my work, every day is different.’

‘It certainly sounds exciting.’ she said wistfully.

‘It can be, but not as much as you’d think’ he explained ‘there is a lot of sitting around waiting for something to do too.’

‘I guess every job has its downside’ she said, her expression thoughtful as she looked away.

Jake said ‘so what about you? You said you’re a nurse, which part of the hospital do you work in?’

Turning her head, Rebecca found him watching her. This time she knew it wasn’t mere politeness that had prompted his question. Pleased, she said ‘I work in the emergency department.’

Nodding, he sounded sympathetic as he said ‘that must be tough sometimes.’

‘Yes, it can be’ she agreed.

Leaving the restaurant a short time later they were again silent as they walked along. Rebecca was thoughtful as she processed what she’s learnt about the man by her side. She felt sad as she considered that in a few minutes she’d say good bye to him for the last time. There was no reason for him to see her anymore unless he was interested in something other than protecting her and she had seen no real evidence of that. She’d really like to get to know him, but she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to suggest it. He seemed so stern and unapproachable most of the time, not to mention she was certain now it was just a sense of obligation that had kept him coming back and she didn’t really want to put him to trouble of having to say so.

So as they reached her apartment ten minutes later, Rebecca unlocked her door and readied herself to say good bye. But as she turned to face him Jake shocked the life out of her. Without a word and before she could speak, he leaned down and kissed her. It was not a passionate kiss, and he didn’t touch her except with his mouth, but it was sweet and Rebecca willed it to go on forever. However, before she knew what was happening, just as quickly as it had started, Jake ended the kiss and stood there looking at her. As she watched, too shocked to speak straight away, a strange expression crossed his face. He almost looked like he was angry. But with her or himself? She had no idea. Still trying to figure it out, Rebecca was just at the point of asking him, when without saying a word, he turned and almost ran down the stairs.

Learning To Trust Again

Jake looked at her in silence for a minute, as if he was weighing up her reason for asking. ‘I don’t think coffee will help with that’ he said.

Rebecca smiled. ‘Coffee never keeps me awake.’ She was really hoping he wasn’t trying to find a reason to decline.

 He shrugged, ‘yeah, okay. I could handle a coffee I guess. Where?’

Pleased he had agreed but trying not to feel too depressed by his apparent lack of enthusiasm, Rebecca pointed along the street to the left and said ‘there’s a restaurant not far along here that is always open late.’

‘Lead the way’ he replied in a gruff tone.

As they walked along they were once again silent. But Rebecca didn’t break it this time. She had decided to wait until he was sitting opposite her with no chance of evading her questions before she asked anything more. Instead she used the time to think about how best to approach getting to know him.

Within a few minutes they had reached the restaurant and were shown to a table near the front window. They ordered a coffee each. Taking off her scarf and her jacket, Rebecca hung them on the back of the chair along with her bag. She had settled on asking him about his work as a place to start. By picking a less personal subject, she hoped he might be more likely to want to talk about it. So as they waited for their drinks she asked ‘are you stationed around here?’

‘Yes and no.’ Jake replied with his usual minimal reply.

But then he surprised her by adding ‘I’m a Senior Sergeant in a specialised unit of the police force and our base is not far from here but it’s not a station exactly.

‘A Senior Sergeant’ Rebecca said, impressed. ‘That’s pretty high up isn’t it?’

‘Not really. It’s about the middle’ Jake replied ‘while there are a few ranks below me, there are plenty of ranks above.

‘So are you in like the bomb squad or swat or something?

‘Sort of’ Jake said.

Then remembering an article in the paper she’d read recently about another of these specialised police units, who use tasers and have advanced technology, her eyes widened. With awe evident in her voice, she said ‘oh are you one of the guys I’ve read about with all the extra training and negotiating skills?’

Giving her a wry smile, Jake said ‘extra training I’d agree with, but negotiation is not really my strong suit.’

‘I don’t know about that’ she said disagreeing with him ‘you did okay the other night with those guys.’

But shaking his head Jake negated her praise ‘nah that was straight out intimidation not negotiation. If they’d tried anything it would have been a whole other story.’

Smiling Rebecca refused to believe it, ‘I’m sure that’s not true Jake but I’m glad we didn’t have to put it to the test.’

‘You and me both’ he said with feeling.

Going Home

Part 91

The conversation with his father stayed with Josh all afternoon. He could tell by his father’s expression that his thoughts were similar to his own. But Josh couldn’t help but wonder if it was circumstance that was trying to push him in a certain direction or if it was something else. As soon as he and Grace were home he tackled her on whether she had any part in it.

As they entered the sitting room Josh sat down on the couch and pulled Grace down beside him. Then looking at her with a stern expression he asked “did you say anything to Mum or Dad about your idea of going to the lake?”

Grace shook her head, trying not to show how upset she was that he would think she’d go behind his back like that. “Of course not Josh, you asked me not to.”

Frowning now because he didn’t miss the hurt look she gave him Josh apologized in a rough tone, “I’m sorry, I knew you wouldn’t have.” Then looking away he added “I just didn’t know how else to account for it.”

Watching him Grace asked “account for what?”

Looking back in her eyes he said “just the fact that Dad chose today to talk about fishing.”

“Oh” Grace said, surprised. “Well it certainly wasn’t because of anything I said. It could have come from my conversation with Margaret last night I guess, if she told Robert about it. Or it may just be that being together caused you all to think about Gavin and therefore the things he enjoyed were naturally brought to mind.”

Rubbing his hands over his head, Josh agreed with reluctance “I guess.”

Studying his tense expression Grace smiled and tried to help him deal with his obvious confusion. “Don’t worry about it Josh, it just means you are all on the same wavelength at the moment.”

Reaching out Josh pulled Grace into his arms and held her tight. As usual talking to her had made everything clearer. He didn’t know what it was but when she explained things everything seemed so simple. He’d like to remember Gavin by doing something they enjoyed doing together. So after a minute he took a deep breath and said “maybe that trip could work.”

Grace smiled She was happy that Josh was willing to do that. She felt this maybe the final step in reestablishing a good relationship with his parents and enabling them all to talk more easily about Gavin. She kissed his neck and wrapped her arms around him.

Learning To Trust Again

As her brother ended the call Rebecca hung up the phone and allowed her head to drop back on the couch. Now she was really tired. Arguing with Todd had used up her last reserves of energy. She wished she’d stuck to her original decision not to tell him about what had happened, but it was too late for that now. If she knew him, he’d be around to check on her as soon as he was back in town. She was sure she hadn’t heard the end of it. Closing her eyes for a moment, feeling even more exhausted by just the thought of it, she tried to summon the energy necessary to get up and go to bed. Her hatred for this shift, where she finished so late, increased every time she had to work it. She’d be glad for it to be over tomorrow. The only down side this time was, it would bring an end to her visits from Jake. Lifting her head as she considered this, she felt sad but forcing herself to get up before she fell asleep where she was she turned out the lights and moved into the bedroom. She dragged herself through her bedtime ritual with dogged determination, knowing she’d regret it in the morning if she didn’t. Then with relief, she fell into bed and was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

The next night Rebecca spotted Jake as soon as she stepped out through the front doors. He was sitting in the middle of the same seat he had occupied the night before. He looked relaxed with his arms resting along the back of the seat and the ankle of one foot lying on his other knee. She had been full of nervous excitement all day, looking forward to seeing him. Her only worry had been that he would find a reason not to show up. But that hadn’t happened and seeing him sitting there waiting for her, her lungs were suddenly devoid of air. She paused a minute and took a deep breath to replenish her lungs before walking over to him, her steps slow and cautious. Stopping a little behind the seat she said in a tight voice ‘hello Jake.’

Jake turned his head to look at her and stood up. If he was nervous or even just pleased to see her, it didn’t show. He replied ‘hi’ in his deep voice. He didn’t smile but after a second when neither of them spoke he asked ‘busy night?’

Giving him a small smile, Rebecca was pleased it was him who broke the silence for a change, even if his question seemed to stem more from a sense of a formality than a genuine interest in the answer. She said ‘about average, but it seemed like a very long shift today.’ What she didn’t tell him was that it was looking forward to seeing him rather than the work that made the day drag.

Jake seemed to take the statement at face value. He said with feeling ‘I know what you mean.’ But as usual he didn’t explain further.

Disappointed as the conversation once again petered out Rebecca wondered if maybe a change of location might aid communication. Looking up at him, hope increasing her heart rate, she asked ‘do you mind if we make a detour and grab a coffee? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep just yet.’