Loss and Longing

“Come on” he said with a grin, “I promise I won’t try and pay for anything else while you’re here.”

She laughed then and meeting his eyes, she relented, “okay, I would like to meet Scout and coffee would be good, thanks.”

Grant stepped back and after she had stepped inside, he closed the door. Then leading the way he said “come through.”

Stevie couldn’t help looking around with awe as she followed him. The hall way had shiny wooden floors stained a dark colour. The walls were white and what she could see of the large living room through an open doorway to the left it had contemporary, minimalist decor. But stepping into the kitchen further down the hall, she had to stop her mouth from dropping open. It was beautiful. The cupboards were white as were the stone bench tops. But this expanse of white was broken up by glass splashbacks in a light green colour, very similar to his eyes in fact. In the middle of the room was a huge island bench with stools running along one side.

“Grab a seat” he said indicating the stools and filling the stainless steel kettle.

Stevie sat. “You’ve got a beautiful home” she said once she’d got over the shock enough to speak.

He looked over at her and smiled, “thanks” he said.

“Was it like this when you bought it?” she asked still looking around the room.

“No” he said “I’ve re-done most of it.”

“Is this what you do for a living?”

“Not exactly, I’m an architect. I work for myself and not long after I moved in here, I needed to put in an office. So I started there and then just kept going.”

“Well you’ve done a great job” she said.

“Thank you” he said.

 “I guess you’ve heard that a lot” she mused as her eyes wandered around the room again.

“Not really” he said. Not many people have seen it.”

Surprised, she turned back to look at him.

He shrugged and turned away to make the coffee “I don’t have many visitors” he said.

Learning To Trust Again

Later that afternoon, after a brief nap that had only made her feel worse, she set off to work on foot. She hoped the walk would sooth her and leave her feeling more refreshed. As it was the middle of the day she wasn’t worried about history repeating itself but she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty after Jake’s warning the night before. She would have to walk home in the dark again later, and she was not looking forward to it, but she wasn’t being deliberately careless either. She didn’t want a random event to rule her life. She lived alone and had to travel back and forth to work every day, she didn’t want to be paralysed by fear because of what happened and she knew the longer she put off walking, the harder it would be. So she pushed thoughts of the return journey to the back of her mind and tried to enjoy the walk. The mid afternoon sun was warm on her face and there was a light breeze lifting her hair, a perfect afternoon for a walk, it was a shame it was so short really and that at the end of it she had to work.

However nearing the lane next to the pub, her heart rate quickened. Up until then she hadn’t felt any trepidation at all. It was hard to believe anything bad could happen in the light of day and such a beautiful day at that. But as she looked down the lane and she saw the site of last night’s attack again, her breath caught in her throat. Forcing her eyes away, she hurried past and the fear soon faded. She let out her breath on a sigh, happy to have gotten over the first hurdle. She didn’t dare think about passing that point in the dark later. She would cross over and walk down the other side of the road if she had to or detour around that part of the street, even though it would make her trip home longer. But quashing her concerns for the moment, not wanting them to be playing on her mind during her shift when she needed to concentrate, she determined to deal with the issue when it occurred and continued on her way to work.

Learning To Trust Again

After blow drying her hair, Rebecca got into bed with what was left of her cup of tea. When she came home at this time of night, she preferred the comfort and warmth of her bed, to having to turn on the heater and sit in the larger living room. It just seemed a waste to her to heat the whole room for the limited time she’d be awake. And after what had happened earlier in the lane, she was even more in need of comfort than usual. Plus when she finally did fall asleep she wouldn’t have to move again. She could just close her eyes and drift off. But tonight she was going to need a distraction if that was going to happen. She needed something else to think about. So turning on the television, she flicked through the channels until she found an old movie that had only just started. Propping a pillow up behind her back she turned off the light and sipped her drink, the light from the television giving her enough illumination to be able to see without having the bedside light on.

Ten minutes later she had finished her tea and putting her cup on the bedside table she lay down properly, pulling the covers high up around her. She hoped that when her eyes finally closed now, her mind would not continually replay the events of the night as she had a tendency to do when something was worrying her. She wasn’t one of those people who could just shut things off, as much as she wished she was. But the shower and the tea had worked their magic and within a few minutes she was asleep.

Rebecca woke late the next morning to her alarm blaring. She’d had a disturbed night, waking several times. The first time she’d woken had been following a distressing dream where she was being chased through darkened streets. After that, she’d had to get out of bed and check the doors and windows before she could settle down again. The next couple of times she’d woken she had been able to roll over and go back to sleep. However the breaks in her sleep had left her feeling tired. Resisting the urge to go back to sleep, knowing if she did she’d get nothing done and feel frustrated about it later, she dragged herself out of bed and started her day.

Going Home

Part 88

Later, after Robert and Margaret had left and Grace and Josh were lying in bed, Grace was worried. She was wondering if maybe she should have spoken to Josh before telling Margaret about her past. So turning and kissing his jaw she sounded a little wary as she said “I told Margaret about me being married when we met.”

Frowning Josh turned his head and looked at her, “what did she say?” 

Grace smiled, “that everyone makes mistakes.”

Josh pulled Grace close and smiled into her hair “don’t I know it.” 

“So you don’t mind?” she asked, concerned.

Moving back to look at her he said “why would I mind?”

Grace shrugged “well it wasn’t my finest hour. I wasn’t sure you’d want them to know that’s all.”

Josh frowned again, “so why did you tell her then?” 

Looking at him with a worried expression, she said “well she said she’d like to meet my parents and I thought before that happened they should know everything in case someone mentioned it.”

Josh nodded. “I have no problem with them knowing Grace as long as you’re okay about it.” Then reminding her of her own words a few weeks ago, he continued with a smile “as some wise person once told me, we can’t change the past but we can choose how we deal with it.”

Grace smiled and turned off the light. She relaxed against his chest then teased “wise hey? I’ll remember that the next time you question my judgment at work.”

Smiling into her hair as he kissed her head Josh pulled her against him and whispered “well, some of the time.”

Learning To Trust Again

Thoughtful, Rebecca closed the door and locked it. She then walked into her living room and put her bag down on the coffee table before making her way into the bedroom to have a shower. She was tired but she felt dirty after working all day and more so after having those guys touch her. Dragging her uniform off, she shivered as she recalled with distaste the sight of those men surrounding her. She could still feel the cold terror she’d experienced before Jake had arrived on the scene. As she took off each garment, she tossed it in the bin, including her underwear. She had other uniforms and even if she didn’t she couldn’t bring herself to wear that one again.

Cold all of a sudden, even though, having turned on the heater when she walked in, it was warm in the bathroom, Rebecca wasted no time in stepping into the shower and letting the warm water cascade over her. As the water washed away the smells and grime that were clinging to her skin and hair, it also helped sooth her mind and her thoughts turned to the man who had saved her. Standing under the water, his green eyes appeared before her and she shivered again. But her response this time, causing goose bumps to pop out all over her skin, was not due to cold. She knew however that reaction to the shock she’d experienced in the lane, was probably intensifying her response to him, but still she couldn’t get the man out of her head. And it was not just his physical appearance that had got to her either, good as that was. He was not like other men she’d met. He was interesting and complex and quite possibly more than a little bit dangerous. It was a mix she hadn’t come across before and despite knowing there was a risk, she couldn’t help but be intrigued by him.

Thinking about Jakes ever changing moods, she decided he’d either had a really bad day or he had more than his fair share of demons. Rebecca understood all about demons and her heart went out to him. She knew what it was like to have past events effect everything you did. She couldn’t help but wonder what it was that haunted him. But as she wrung out her hair and wrapped a towel around her head to keep her wet hair off her neck, she knew that wondering was as far as she was likely to get. She wasn’t about to find out anything definite any time soon. It was unlikely she’d see him again and even if she did, he didn’t seem like the type to talk about things like that. With a sigh she wrapped a soft, toweling robe around her body. Finally feeling warmer on the outside she padded barefoot into the kitchen to make herself a drink to warm her insides as well.

Learning To Trust Again

When they reached her apartment she pulled out her key and unlocked the door before she turned back to face him ‘thanks for everything. I don’t want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up.’

‘Probably a good idea’ he said.

Rebecca gave him a questioning look. Maybe she had been more affected than she thought, because she didn’t understand what he was talking about.

‘Not thinking about it I mean,’ he said ‘don’t go into the ‘what if’s’, they’ll drive you mad and don’t walk home this late at night from now on.’

‘Well I have two nights of this shift left but I’m sure that sort of thing won’t happen again. I’ve walked home after a late shift many times before and been perfectly safe.’

 Jake frowned and pushed his hands into his pockets. With an edge to his voice he said, ‘well it wasn’t safe tonight and there’s no guarantee those guys won’t be hanging around tomorrow night. They’ll be out on bail by morning, most likely.’

Rebecca was dismayed by that piece of news, but she didn’t want to show it, she knew it was illogical to be worried. It was doubtful she’d be bothered by them again. But she couldn’t help the trepidation that made her heart beat faster as she thought of those men back on the streets. Trying to reassure herself as much as convince him, she said ‘I don’t think they’ll come back. Surely after being arrested they wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back and try it again, at least not in the same place.’

‘You’d be surprised at just how stupid some people can be’ Jake said, his tone scathing.

Rebecca flicked her gaze up at him, wondering if he was referring to her now. She resented that he might be. She was normally very sensible and a frown coming down on her face, she was prodded into disagreeing. ‘It was just because it was Saturday night,’ she argued ‘I’m sure it will be peaceful tomorrow and it seems a shame to get the car out for that distance.’

‘I would’ he said, his face stern, his jaw set. ‘It’s not worth the risk.’

Studying his angry expression for a minute and feeling a little uneasy again, Rebecca decided maybe it was better to try and mollify him rather than argue with him. Her tone more even she said ‘okay I’ll think about it.’

‘Good’ he replied, his voice as hard as steel.

His harsh attitude surprised Rebecca. It was nice he was concerned about her, but his moods seemed to change like the wind. After the ordeal she’d already been through that night it was too much for her to deal with. As much as she was grateful to him for helping her, she wanted him to leave now. She opened her door wider and stepped inside her apartment. Hanging onto the door she said, ‘thanks again Jake’ to round out the conversation and give him the hint to leave.

But either Jake had the lightening reaction time of a mongoose, which could bait a snake and still get out of its way before it struck. Or her gesture proved unnecessary, as the words were barely out of her mouth before he was turning and walking back down the stairs with nothing more than a curt nod.